You are suggesting that my W's stance of being unhappy but doing nothing WITH ME about it is ok.
Nope, not at all. Actually, I am suggesting that you are helping her do nothing, which is NOT OK.
You have said that my lack of intimacy and initiation is a problem here, almost NEVER adressing anything about here.
Uh, why in the world do you think I keep telling you that you need to set some boundaries about the treatment you are willing to accept? You can't control what she does, but you can control what you accept and how you behave based on what you are getting.
To actually go against myself, I understand that you are talking to ME and trying to help ME take action here, but I, well,
Certainly.
I just feel like there is room for BOTH of us to work on this and up to now, I don't see her part, nor do I see you ever suggesting that she do anything but wait until I "get it" or just leave me. Isn't there any middle ground THERE?
YOU are the one doing all the work. I think you need to stop doing all the work. I have suggested more than once that you talk to her about what you need, that you read PM with her, etc... YOU are the one who is not partnering with her on this. I certainly think you need to partner with her to change this.
Now, if she has flat out made it clear that she will not have sex with you, why are you continuing to torture yourself? "W, I love the physical intimacy between us, but it is simply too painful for me to keep up when it never includes lovemaking. I feel like you are treating me like your brother, and I find it humiliating and emasculating. I am not willing to live in a sexless M forever, but I am willing to give you some more time now to work through things. But, I cannot keep trying to increase the passion in our M when you are not also engaged in that project. I'm going to have to take a break from that for awhile. But, again, I am not willing to put it on hold forever, or even for a long time. This is something we need to work on together for this M to work for me. In the meantime, I need to respect my own feelings, back off, and plan to satisfy myself sexually in a healthy way alone for awhile. Of course, I will always welcome your assistance. In the meantime, buy your own KY and I'll buy mine."
