Re, the marital rape comment. When it is suggested that you be more sexually assertive, you have come back several times with a knee jerk response that "no means no." Of course you should not coerce your W into sex. But being more sexually assertive does not entail a denial of "no means no."
as the "man" have to do all this (because OT, that's what I keep hearing over and over again, maybe because that's what you are saying and maybe because of my own issues, I don't know), then I want out. I want someone who is willing to be an equal partner in intimacy, not just wanting me to do all the work while she lays back and feels loved, appreciated and worshiped.
You seem to think this is all your job. I certainly don't think so.
Indeed, I think it is a big problem that you are willing to continue in the way you have been without setting and enforcing any boundaries with respect to what is acceptable treatment for YOU.
In the last few days, on and off, you've sounded like you will only be willing to enforce any boundaries here if you give up on your M. Perhaps something to focus on is how to not subordinate your own needs in the context of your M.
Your W clearly has her own issues about sexual expression. She needs to deal with them. However, she is unlikely to as long as you continue to accept the status quo from her.
I haven't heard anyone suggest that what your W is or is not (in this case) doing is acceptable. YOU are the one accepting it, not us.
BTW, we were crossposting, so I expect you missed my post about MB's car. I thought you gave her some great advice. Try to apply the kind of self-respecting boundary setting that you recommended to her to your own sitch.
Anyway, it does sound like you could use a break from this. Maybe you can set it all aside for a few days and give yourself some space to settle down and find some clarity about what works for you.
