If you have read the last few days' posts, you know I tend to agree with you. I think I am holding something that NYS (if you were around in his days here) told me once. He said that foreplay starts on Monday. He was saying that in response to me saying that we only ML on Friday or Saturday and usually the only physical contact we had was on those days so W somehow, go figure, thought I only touched her when I wanted sex.
To me, this period I am in is all about establishing sensual, intimate touching OUTSIDE the realm of the bedroom or iminant ML. I know OT has been fighting me on this (or I think she has) but I just think W has to trust that what I am doing is NOT just because I haven't had sex in 8 months and just want some now. She KNOWS I want "some" now. I think she is still hesitant to believe that I want HER now.
That is what I believe I am telling her through my patience AND my physical closeness to her. I can't imagine anyone looking in from the outside would suggest that I am being "asexual" in the way I am with my W these days. I am SO much more sensual and "sexual" than I have EVER been before.
Am I impatient? Sure as hell I am, and like I said yesterday, that can be a BIG issue with me, it always has been.
So it's like this. Part of my thinks that W is EXPECTING me to be impatient and rush this. It's like a test to see if I really HAVE changed because if I haven't, I won't be able to wait this out. I won't be able to give her the time that, yes OT, she HAS asked for. If I HAVE changed, I will keep consistantly touching her, reassuring her that I want HER. I WILL wait because, well, because I can.
Then the other part of me agrees with OT that W is somehow waiting for me to DO something else, something more. I don't trust that part of me because it is a GREAT excuse for me to do more of the same and be impatient, rushing something that I truly do believe will come in time without me DOING much more than I am now, keeping in mind, once again, that what I am doing now is 1000% more than I have ever done before in terms of physical interaction with W.
RB, today is a new day, a better day. Thanks for checking in with me and encouraging me. I am still thinking HARD about yesterday's posts and will add yours into the mix.
