I could be you and you could be me in your story, except that my time was to establish self-employment.
Are your sure your W and my W haven't been talking? My W uses the same words almost exaclty. Maybe they have the same Cliff notes, or are using MLC for Dummies.
I do agree that often we can't see the trees for the forest, that is, we can't see our own contribution to the situation clearly. I think this is because of something Dr. J Dobson pointed out (Focus on the Family)- marriages often fail for lack of respect of one partner for the other.
This lack of respect turns communication off. Neither partner can clearly state their needs, nor can either partner hear clearly the needs of the other. Eventually, both will complain that the other takes them for granted. Behaviours that were once accepted become annoying. Excuses for withdrawing from the other become more easy to find. Emotional needs left unmet push both to look elsewhere.
In my case it was being at work and play enough to avoid conflict. In my wifes case it was being at work enough to avoid conflict.
For now, I will listen to her view of what I need to do to be "better". I choose to believe now that although she may be confused as to what "better" is, it is right for me not to be "right", to not win the arguments. For if I win the argument "battles", I may loose the reconciliation "war".
Yet, I know as well as everyone else that occaisional re-assurance would be nice. The learning I still have to do is to not take for granted the little things: touchs, kind words, smiles, hints at life together in the furture. One of the important lessons during this troubling time is that I can't ever consider these "small" shows of affection as things to be expected by a husband, that a husband deserves affection just by being a husband. I have come to realize that shows of love and affection by my W must be considers as gifts from an equal, voluntarily giving of herself because of the respect and trust we show each other.
My intuition is that our marriage is still touch and go during this phase and that the goal for us in this reconcililation phase is to re-establish respect for each other as equals.
