((((((GH)))))) Ohhhh, GH. Thanks for stopping on my thread recently, your kind words really helped me.
You've been so strong, so thoughtful, so analytical. Always putting so much effort into thinking your sitch a 1000 different ways and then taking action on your findings. You're being a wonderful H.
It's tough when you've done light years of work and your W seems to have done nothing. I wouldn't place too much on that though, I bet she's listenting and watching all along and doing a lot of thinking as well.
I have to pipe in say something. Your W is in a weird and painful moment now. Ending the A, seeing it for what i was, that she projecting much onto it that it never really was. Seeing you change to the man she wanted all these years, slowly feeling the love for you again. Coming out of a fog and seeing all that you have damaged and all that you loved and let go. This is what my H told me he was going through. It's laced with LOTS of guilt and anger. At themselves and us. The main line H said: Why did this have to happen? Why did it all go so, so wrong?
Understand this. Understand that it's a phase that you cannot keep expecting all of your actions to make a difference and them to warm up like nothing happened. They are climbing out of denial and into ashes. It's hard to act like nothing happened and move forward. They want to, but it will take a little more time. Until then, you show your love and changed you consistently. Be strong for her now, as you have been this whole time. You feel that now that the A is over, then it's time to restart, right? Well, this is a phase that comes before that. I tried to do the same thing with H...pushed him the very day he admitted everything.
The bottom line is that your actions will make a BIG difference ONLY when THEY are ready to receive it. You can't throw yourself into the M and work on it unless you feel good about you, are happy with you, love you....and they don't feel that yet. They are so confused and pained that they let this happen. So mad that we didn't changed before they went into this fog ('why couldn't you have listened before??'). You are ready because for 7 months you've been going through this catharsis....getting stronger, confident, changing, loving yourself and the new you, forgiving yourself for the past. It's just Day 0 for her.
Remember, no expectations. Like OT said, if it would help you be empowered and in control again, set a deadline for yourself. I went to see a lawyer and it helped me. I felt I took a step for me. But, stop expecting things, and your actions to lead to some change right now in W. Just be you, b/c it's who you will be no matter what, right? Keep plugging along.
Today is a rough day. Take some time out and maybe go on a walk or something alone before going home. Or go out tonight. take a breather for YOU.
