OK...so, perhaps you're building up the "first time" way too much? If you think she wants to be pursued, then pursue, simply. Send her an email that says, Hey, I passed you in the kitchen this morning and I noticed XYZ...you looked sexy." Every day, find something - little, big, whatever - someTHING to make her stop and think. Tell her you had a dream about her...and let the unspoken hang there...
I still also think that telling her what your NOT going to do will work in some ways. Not only will it say to her that she's not expected to "put out", it may incite her at the same time. Make any sense? I'm not so good with all the psycho-babble talk, but perhaps a little reverse psychology would be in good order here? Ya know, the muscle head she was seeing probably said those old corny lines. Sometimes as corny and as stupid as they are, they do work. And of course, it will be awkward for you at first. Anything new is awkward, but as you keep doing it, it will become easier and you may find yourself enjoying finding different ways to spark her interest. There's a lot of power in saying the words "I want you" to someone.
Or, you can be direct. Tell her. You can validate her feelings and still tell her how YOU are feeling. W - I know you're going through a rough time, however I am too. If we're in this together, then I need to tell you that your sexual rejection of me hurts. Can you tell me why you don't want to? Share your feelings about it with her. Ask her for her thoughts on the subject. SEnd it via email if you would rather...you do a great job of writing here, maybe you'd be able to tell her better in an email, and it may be easier for her to respond to you more honestly.
I think there's a lot of confusion between sex and intimacy. Each of these means different things to different people. And to some, they are one and the same. I think to you, they are two different & distinct things, yet that does not mean they both can't be worked on at the same time. And I think games & toys are 2 different things. Toys, well, you USE them for a particular act. The game, is that - a game. The game wouldn't necessarily result in ML. As a matter of fact, it shouldn't be used for that purpose at all. It should be used to learn new things about each other. Perhaps leading to more intimacy.
