I think the most important thing you can focus on is how to set meaningful boundaries without viewing them as an attack or ultimatum or whatever against another person. I see in your posts about your own sitch and to others that you are very reluctant to set clear boundaries about what you are and are not willing to accept in your interactions with others.
Your boundaries should not really be contingent on how another person is going to react to them.
Of course there are better and worse times for things. Clearly, pursuing a romantic R with W when she was out of the M would be inappropriate. Only you can tell if the stress of the DUI problem (which you are curiously minimizing right now, but sounds like it is really a symptom of your W's longstanding pattern of using alcohol to cope with her unhappiness) is making this a bad time. A couple of weeks isn't going to make a difference.
However, the emotional coddling is more of the same from you. What will be different is if you stop it in a few weeks as you suggested.
I emotionally coddled my XH for years and it did no one any good. He probably felt emasculated. I would expect your W also feels not much like a real woman with you. Her OM probably treated her as a strong passionate independent woman and dealt with her as an adult who could handle things with little BS.
Your W has told you over and over again that she prefers you to be direct. You get better results when you are direct. Yet, you aren't on this issue. I doubt that OM had much of a problem telling her what he wanted sexually and eventually what he would require to continue the A, even while she was saying NO to him and protesting.
She has even told you that she despises the status quo. Has she told you that she doesn't want to address this for a few weeks? Has she told you that living in a sexless M makes her life less stressful? Have you shared with her your feelings? What you want? What you are willing to accept? What your actions will be in different scenarios? Do you know your own boundaries here at all?
My suggestion is to continue to read PM and to talk to your C.
BTW, I think your W is well aware that there is a problem with sex in your M and is not happy with it. Perhaps she would read PM with you. You are the one choosing to try to manage the whole problem on your own without sharing in it with your W as a romantic P.
If you think about it, your current actions to me sound like they are designed to sexually DECHARGE any physical intimacy between you. This doesn't sound as though it is likely to cause any sparks to me.
How far do you think you would have gotten without the bomb? Your W hasn't gotten the bomb and your continued acceptance of the status quo and emotional coddling actively contributes to her staying stuck. Your reluctance to explore, define, and maintain your own boundaries is keeping you stuck.
Do you know what? Your M might not work out. Your W might never turn into the romantic P that you want. Or, things might work out. Your W might become the full participant and partner in your M that you want. You can either figure out which way things will go or you can stay stuck in an empty life until your W determines which way they will go.
