I may not offer very good advice, but here's an idea. I agree with OT and what she said. I also really don't believe that your W's "temporary situation" has anything to do with sex. BS- she could probably use something to relieve her stress.
You often offer VERY good advice...
As for my W, fine, maybe you're both right and maybe it's just all in my head that the first time we ML in over 8 or is it 9 months would be at a time when she is CLEARLY stressed out beyond belief. I guess I can see the wisdom in that "blowing off some steam" but, well, I just can't see that happening. Maybe I am creating a self-fulfilling prophecy here. I don't know. I THINK I am right but doubt is creeping in for sure.
In terms of all the sex games and such, again, I DO suggest things like that. I know I don't just go DO them but WTH. She expresses NO INTEREST AT ALL in me. To me it's like working with someone for awhile and instead of asking them out on a date, you just go by them a couple sex toys and ask them over for a late night "conversation". That's just not how I operate. To get a little personal, we DO use "toys" in our sex life, and are pretty adventerous about sex in general. We both seem to enjoy that aspect of our sex life. So, going to the store and buying something like that would not really be a 180 in general. I could just go upstairs and get something out of the drawer instead.
In the past, I HAVE done things like that and she didn't like it. She wants to be romanced I think. She wants to be pursued on a daily basis. She wants to feel like I think she's special, not just someone to f--k every Friday night.
Like I think I have said before, maybe in not so clear words, we have never had a problem with the "fun" f--king kind of sex, it's the romantic, "I am into you SO much it hurts" kind of ML that has REALLY been lacking and I blame that almost 100% on the TOTAL lack of physical intimacy OUTSIDE the bedroom that would convey my interest in her not just for sex, but as a hot, sexual woman. I never understood that. I am DOING that now, and I think I am laying the groundwork for the next step but for God's sake, I just want to take that step when the time is not so wrong, not even that it has to be "right".
I guess I am doing one of two things right now. I am either trying to justify my position, or I am actually becomming clear about what I am doing and that I DO have a plan that IS working. Being challenged, I had to think about this and in doing so, realize that she IS moving closer to me, just not at the pace I'd like, which is why I don't think I need to so much change my approach as actually communicate with her openly and directly about what we are doing, or not doing.
I hope I am off my defensive soapbox now. OT's post DID get me going and I didn't know if that was a good thing. I guess it was after all...until the next one, lol.
NM, I WILL try different things, but like I said, those things you suggest are not really THAT different than our past. I used to go to the "store" sometimes and surprise her with things. She would even ask me to get certain things she wanted to try so again, as much as it may have seemed like this was not an area we "explored" it was.
That said, I will think MUCH more about what you and OT said. I truly will.
