Sometimes I wonder if you just happen to reside in my brain most of the time. Thank you for your open and honest post. Over the past week couple of weeks, I have been honestly grappling with where to go and what to do with my sitch. Its not as thought things have been horrible and in comparison to some others here, its been downright blissful. But, on the other hand, its been such a hard journey and I feel that I've learned much along the way and I still see my W still struggling with many issues and remaining emotionally listless towards me and our future. I don't know....to be fair, I am NOT blaming my W. It just is, what it is.
Reading your post, however, has reminded me that this is MY decision and that it has been MY choice to either change the dynamic or stay static. I know that I have taken a hard look at the "why" and I know in my heart that my actions up to know have been geared towards saving my M and also, hopefully, making it stronger for the future. That has been my goal. But yet, there is a small part of me that has locked away some emotion and feeling for fear of futher hurt. And that is what scares me the most because I have begun to feel rather to numb on some levels. That's what I don't want.
So, I digress, the point being, the choice is always left with the LBS and, as GH has pointed out, if you feel that giving up is your only option, make darn sure that it truly is your only option because it is likely that any pain that you still feel, will continue to be felt even after a split. The fact is, until you truly detach, you will still feel that pain, no matter the living arrangments or marital status. Why not learn emotional detachment, lovingly as opposed to emotional detachment in anger and spite?
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
