This evening it was pleasant conversation at the dinner table. She even helped with the dishes! I kept my distance like a good DBer should. Then she put on her pajamas and went to bed. I'm told that all of this sleeping is typical of depression.
I'm just leaving her alone tonight. I haven't talked to her about her move upstairs even though I'm burning inside to try and talk her out of it.
I gave her a hug when I got home tonight. She's talkative but physically cool. I asked her to speak with her therapist about the fact that she is constantly sleeping. She denied that is sleeping so much. I told her that it is just my observation and she should ask the kids if she doesn't believe me. I told her that I just wanted to see her get better, no agneda.
Do you guys think that I should help her move? I really don't want to, but I don't know what her perception of my actions will be. I'm open for suggestions. Thanks everyone.
John, Unless she asks, I would not offer. I would also lay off the hugs and stuff too. That is pressure. No OR talk or anything. Anything you say or do now in regards to the move will be seen as control. You said yes to her moving now you can't take it back without causing a huge rift.
BTW, When I moved my ex(experience ) after I helped set up her bed,computer, everything I hugged her goodbye and left. When me and the kids got to my truck she had forgotten something. When I went back and knocked at her door guess who she was already on the phone with?? You got it, om. So basically I set her up in a place to screw him and all I got was a bad back and milage on my car. Don't do it. Don't rescue her. Go away that weekend.. Ron
Thanks, Ron. I really want her to have the space that she seems to so desparately needs, but I'm really uncomfortable with her moving upstairs. I've kept my big mouth shut.
I'm going to have to set ground rules, and that won't be too easy. I think that she feels that she will be able to come and go as she pleases and then be able to retreat to her place and lock the door. I have discussed it with the kids and they will only be cool with her coming and going at will only if they can do the same with her. Sounds fair for everyone except me.
I gave her a copy of His Needs, Her Needs this morning and she was paging through it. The first chapter describes her A to the letter.
Saturday was moving day for my W. S and I helped with some of the furniture. W’s 2 sisters and MIL were in the house, so S and I took off for a while. MIL laced into both kids about the way they have been treating mom. She just sneered at me, I guess because I allow the kids to express their feelings.
On Sunday, W came down in the morning. I gave her a cup of coffee and fed her breakfast with the kids. She spent the balance of the day moving her clothes upstairs. She had dinner with us.
This morning, she came down at least 5 times (I lost count). The last time she came down, I got a hug and kiss (the first of the weekend). It seems that she is comfortable with her ‘space’ now, even though she is spending quite a bit of time in ‘my’ space.
This stich is not as uncomfortable as I envisioned it would be. If it gives her the space she needs and allows her to feel more at ease around me, maybe it could work to the advantage of saving the R.
Don’t feel bad. I know her for 20 years and I don’t have a clue either. It does seem that this move has given her a level of comfort around me that she didn’t have over the past few weeks. Maybe this will be a positive thing. Try something different, right?
She is going to start preparing dinner tonight, as we discussed the menu this morning.
With regard to the facial hair, I’m sporting a close-cropped goatee. This is a compromise from the full beard that I had. I got my little computer camera working so I’ll email you a picture of me.
) after I helped set up her bed,computer, everything I hugged her goodbye and left.