I’m being a saver too. I’ve been trying to save my W from the hurt that she will feel when she hits bottom. During a conversation, when I see that she is not getting it, I stop short of raising my voice and just end the discussion. In her mind, she’s the only one not at fault.
You sound like you were in the room with me during the daughter conversation. As soon as she started blaming me for my D’s behavior, I suggested that she just ask the kids. Her counter was to say that my actions were showing the kids one thing and my words were saying the opposite.
I took the checkbook and all of the financial responsibilities from her on the day that I moved back in. I have been cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. She has just started to help out.
Now that she want to move into our upstairs apartment, maybe I should push her a little. Maybe I should show her that I am a little anxious for her to move.
Going dark did work to get her home. I guess its time for another dose.
