Friend, Sorry that I missed your call the other day--and also sorry to hear that things are so tough for you right now.
When your X first said that he wanted to try again, he said that he would do anything to prove how much he wanted your R fixed. Has he? Is he receiving counseling like he said he would? Or perhaps you two need couples counseling. Is he taking anti-depressants? Is he staying away from OW?
You are right, you can't be expected to be responsible for his happiness. And no, piecing is probably harder than any of us every imagine--especially after a 5 year seperation. You are dealing with your hurt and anger about your X living with OW for so long. You know that I know how you feel about that. I also know that your feelings for your X have changed also. You have so much to forgive him for and there is so much dirty water under the bridge.
Your old relationship is gone--sometimes we just have to let it go because the damage runs too deep.
But I am not saying that you cannot have a new relationship with your X. Possibly an even better one. I guess that just depends on whether you can both forgive each other, deal with the past and put it behind you, and move forward into a new relationship with everything that you have learned.
I hope that you can give this the time that it deserves. He has been gone a long time and also had a different life. I'm sure that this is just as hard for him as it is for you. I think sometimes we expect things to go back to the way they were, and I really don't think that is possible--or if that is really what either of you would want.
I was trying to remember how long they said it took to heal a marriage. Years I believe. It's a slow and painful process, and you both have to want it.
Give it time Friend. This will take time and alot of work. Don't give up until you have no doubt in your mind that your X isn't the man that you want in your life anymore. You have prayed for so long for this chance. Don't give up until you are sure that that is what is right for you.
No matter what you decide, you know that you will always have my support.
