John, The take or or leave it attitude may be a good 180 for you. Look at it this way. You may say your not being needy but telling her you want to work on your marriage may come off that way. If she is going through MLC its best to just give her plenty of room, sort of like a teenager. She is acting out and blaming others. 1st thing to do when she is blaming may be to walk away. Like I said before, just cut the conversation short and excuse yourself. Don't make her problems yours. That worked a great deal after I let go of my ex. You really don't have to listen to it anymore or validate it. Don't try making excuses for your D's behavior, as a matter of fact when she starts blaming you for her behavior, tell her to go talk to D if she wants to hear the truth. Another 180 is to start sporting some new clothes, get a haircut, or really trip her out by getting an ear ring. Let her know that life is too short to wait around for her. Take the kids away for the weekend again. You saw what happened last time. Point is you have never really given her a chance to see what life is like without you. If she does the chkbook, take it away. It is part of being married to you so she does not get it. There is a book called tough love I think. It sounds like the being there, sensitive guy approach is not working and is that really you sucking down all those eggs?? Go dark. its worked for many here. Curiousity killed the cat. Maybe thats what om had going for him and she miss's the drama. Live your life like she's never coming back. "as if". And if she does not you will be way ahead of the game.. Rondo
BTW John, One thing I discovered through my wonderful journey was that I am a saver. I did not want my precious wife to fall on her face or experience any pain or discomfort. I gave her money and kept letting her walk on me. It was only till I grew a pair back that she finally started having some respect for me. My buddy talkede to her last week and she expressed how good I am doing with the kids and my life. He said she bought it up. Its a long journey, have fun with it..
