Ok, not new to the BB but to this thread.......

[wed2alien]

Friend,

Gosh, I am not one to give advice but like you, I have heard this "wanting to try" from my H before and those words scare me like nothing else. Maybe it is our hopes and expectations that we can't help having.

We WANT to believe them, we want them to have changed. But you are right, he not only has to say those things but he has to back them up with actions. Consistent action over time to prove he means it. This means ending it with OW, going through OW withdrawl, being open and honest etc.

Sure, they want to jump from one R to another, that way they don't have to be alone,or take care of themselves. But I think they need to be alone to get over one R, learn about themselves, why they did what they did, before they are emotionally available to be in another R. They may not see it this way.

But then some say if you put a lot of demands or conditions on them, it scares them away and puts pressure on them. This is the fine line I struggle with. Because I think we have earned the right to say how we want the R to be. Certain things have to be present and proven by their actions. They can't expect us to just trust them blindly again. But they do, those crazy aliens. Like nothing ever happened.

Sure, it is a risk to you, risking your heart to possibly be hurt again. Are you brave enough to try? Maybe he want to see if the door is still open? Maybe he needs to hear that you would consider it if certain things happened, like getting rid of OW first and going several months with no contact with OW?

It would have to go slow, in steps, maybe that is why it is called piecing? I don't know, I am not there yet.

Just my thoughts!
wed