My W initiated an OR talk this morning. In tears, she told me that even though I was treating her well, she still finds herself not attracted physically to me anymore. She says it’s like I’m a stranger. That seemed to upset her very much. She even asked me to grow back my beard, which I had when we met and I shaved off back in October when we were separated.
She acknowledged the changes that I have made and I assured her that the changes weren’t made to try and win her back, but because I realized that I needed to make the changes for myself. I think she sees that they are for real.
I tried to let her know that I didn’t expect her feelings to come back right away especially after her relationship with OM. She seemed afraid of what she would do if the feelings didn’t come back at all. I understand that she is still confused and has not completely let go of feelings for OM yet.
She was concerned that I would not let her go if she didn’t get the feelings back. I told her that I could not do anything to make her feelings change. That had to come from within her, and that if she wanted to break up, I would do nothing to stop her.
I asked her as delicately as possible to go to her gynecologist and have a blood test. We talked briefly about the possibility of MLC, pre-menopause and reaching a certain age and reassessing what you want from life. She was pretty open to the suggestion.
In the middle of the conversation, my D woke up, so we stopped talking before we were really finished. At that point, W felt sick to her stomach and threw up.
How should I proceed with her? I have been “loving from a distance”, with little physical contact and have not initiated any OR talks lately. When she brings up these feelings of desperation, I want to be able to respond to her in an appropriate way from a DB perspective. Are her feelings normal for what she has been going through and will those feelings change in time?
