John, Your W is still very much the alien, lost in her confusion. You speak of her boundaries as if it is your option to help her set them.
Get a grip my friend and control what you can control. Namely, your disappointment, resentment and anger. I suggest you have a boundry setting discussion with yourself. If you can resolve your boundaries while you are somewhat calm, it makes it easier to let W know when she is crossing one without you getting angry. Don't ever try to set boundaries in the heat of battle.
Remember, if she runs again, it's not you she is running from. It is herself and the mess she has created. You can't fix that for her. All you can do is take some of the pressure off. Your daughter can help with this as well.
It sounds to me like you should get out of there for a couple of days and relax without W.
Another thought! Dbing is not something you do when W deserves it. It does not work if you try to use a switch to control it. Dbing is a permanant life change. It takes a while to get good at it. I've been working at it for a little over a year now. The focus of DBing changes on a regular basis. When the WAS is willing to work on stuff, Dbing can be applied to them. When they are lost, we retreat and apply it to other aspects of our lives. You could even DB your daughter some to reduce the pressure. Think about it.
