Spending time in the morning caring for the kids, breakfast, baths, and off to school. Wow what a great time. The Kids and I grew alot closer as the scedule allows a walk in the park or breakfast out as a treat. The whole house feels better and is working better.
Wife has been sleeping down stairs with daughter since late September. Never stating that she needed to be away from me. Just helping daughter get use to and comfortable sleeping down stairs.
My daughter asks me to put her to bed on occation and my wife puts son down And yea on those nights my wife sleeps in bed with me. I give her space but am glad for the time to be able to talk about the days events and oportunity to let her share more about how her day went.
Wife agrees to go out on first date dinner and a movie. We have a good time and even have a good night kiss. Kids stay at my parents house and my dad teaches my son cribbage.
Cribbage is a game that my wife and I use to play alot of before the kids were born. One night a small miracle happens. I had made plans for us as a family to play a family game. Game playing is a great way to have fun time as a family and the kids love it. This time though a small miracle happens the kids don't want to play. I have spent enough time doing things with them that they are happy just doing there own thing. I ask my wife if she wants to play cribbage and she agrees. Wow we are playing a game together and have a great time and the kids leave us alone. We have a good time playing and chit-chatting.
Cribbage becomes a several night a week way for my wife and I to relax and have some fun together.
House projects are another way for us to do things together. I go into hi gear getting house painted and house hold repairs done. These are things that I had not been getting done and were making wife upset. Working side by side on the projects felt good for me and generated better good will with my wife.
We go to Hawaii in november and have a great time wife is looking happier and even flirts with me a little. We go out dancing in Hawaii and have a great time. When we get back to the Hotel I turn a good night kiss into a more pashonet kiss and my wife responds. We Kiss like lover's do for the first time in months. We continue into a heavy petting session. We hug and go to sleep holding each other.
Hawaii trip ends and we fly back home. We get a hotel for the night before driveing home. Wife sets on the bes next to me and puts her hand on my shoulder as a gesture of affection. This is one of the first times in many many months that she has initiated a gesture of affection that is not a part of a standard ritual. Hug goodbye, Good night etc. Wow it feels good.
We get home all of us our tired and need to get used to the time change. But more than that my wife becomes more distant. The closeness I was feeling in Hawaii seems to be evaporating.
A few days after being home I initaite sharing a shower with my wife (Big Mistake) She says that probably not enough time to do that and I laugh and say always time for a hug. I get in the shower and she tells me she is uncomfortable and that I am crossing boundries. I back against the shower wall and say sorry. She leave the shower and I take mine.
I get out of the shower and start apologising. Wife lets me know that she is has not been saying anything so as not to spoil the Hawaii trip or Christmass but that she still plans on moving out and physical stuff that happened in Hawaii was done just help me sleep so that I would quit bothering her. She says she does not have romatic feeling about me. I say I thought we were getting closer and that our friendship was getting much stronger. She says friendship is better but that she does not love me and is still moving out.
My mental state starts to crumble. January is comming up quick and I feel lost and without direction. I fall back to reading / Rereading relationship books just to stay sane. I find a link to Divorce Buster's Website and read about Divorce Remedy. I buy book and read it at work and start forming plans and seeing things that I have been doing wrong. I am still in panic mode but starting to feel a little more in controll of myself.
I make some small plans and goals and make some small changes. Like no more saying I Love You. Since wife can not say it back. Letting wife come to me if she wants to give good night hug etc and generaly giving her more space.
Here I am now on the DB website creating a small journal.
Last week cribbage has been an almost nightly routine for my wife and I. If I don't ask about playing she does. Boy do I enjoy this time with my wife. Last Wednesday night was the kids school Christmass program and in the course of visiting with my wife before the program started she mentioned that her realter had dropped off more listing for her to look at. My heart stopped in pain "AGAIN" But I asked her if any looked good. She said they are al starting to look the same to her, conversation ended. This put me into another struggle with my emotions to maintain my PMA.
This last weekend has been good working with wife on putting up Christmass decorations and working side by side baking Christmass cookies. We went out with another couple last weekend to dinner and had a great time with lots of laughs and came home and played a game of cribbage.
It feels like we are getting closer like we were on our trip to Hawaii. I am limiting the amount of affection I am displaying and she seems to be demonstrating more on her own and in her own way.
Last week I had a telephone consultation with a DB Coach Vernetta. This went well and helped make me feel better.
This brings me current with what is happened. Writting this down has been good for me. I have started to do this on paper or on computer several times but have had a hard time doing it.
It seems to help do the Journaling if some someone else is out there and going to read it. Thanks for putting up with my thoughts.
