Listening to the kids be excited about the new house was very painfull and my mental state was deteriating. I knew our chances would be better if she did not move out. So one morning about 2 weeks after the Bomb drop. We Had a talk in the morning 5:00am (Normal wakeup time and no kids around for an hour). I talked to my wife and told her that things were happening faster than I could deal with and that the kids would need a me to be the best daddy possible and the way things going I was struggling and wanted time to process and be the best daddy that I could be. I asked her to quit house hunting and not move out until January. She was a little mad and said that she was not sure that she could do that. I told her that this must also be hard on her and I could understand her need to get the move over with. She finaly said fine she would move out new years day.
Things settled down and it became apparant that she had stopped house hunting and was settleing in for Christmass.
My mental panic / pain started to ease a little (constant battle!!!!) and I started to think about what I could do to make things better and I started reading / rereading relationship fix up books.
Reading Relationship books has been a mental life line for me. If I am not studying and thinking about ways to improve myself and the relationship my thoughts dwell on the negative.. separation, divorce, how will the kids take it etc. Basicaly if I am not doing something that is forward activity. I waste time dwelling on the future in fear, and thus hurting my mental state. It is a huge challange to live in the here and now and not worry about the future.
My main 180, although at the time I did not remember the term, was to change my work shedule to be home in the mornings.
For years I have got up between 4:00 and 5:00am and headed to work for a few hours and then get a workout in and change at the YMCA around 8:00am. Then I would get off at 4:00PM and Pick up the kids and get homework and dinner started.
I made changes at work so that I could check on and fix the company computers from home so that I would not have to go to work early. I told my wife that I was makeing this change so that she could start working out in the morning if she wanted to. Something we both used to do together before kids. When I told her this I was met with skepticism and told that she could not work and build a scedule and it if it were not a consistant thing that she could count on.
I stared being home in the morning and this was a big change in the morning routine for my wife and kids. I jumped in acting as if it were a weekend cooking a big breakfast and generaly changing the routine in a big way....Oups this change in routine made the wife mad and was a shok for the kids. Wife let me know with a good round of critisism... Wife complained that I was interfering in her time with the kids. So I backed off and became a pasive observer of the morning routine and started to blend my self in and be a helper rather than a bull in the china closet.
Wife and kids adjusted to me being there in the morning and the kids grew to love it and wife seemed to accept my presance.
I went ahead and siged my wife up with an executive membership at YMCA and with some kicking and snorting she started working out. Although she has not thanked me for the membership or the change in routine. She talks excitedly about the women she is meeting and the contacts she is making for her business.
The bigest and best result from this change is growth in my relationship with my kids!!!! Wow!!!
The improved realationship with my kids has helped me in lots of ways. I will share more about how improving my relationship with my kids has helped my DB efforts tommarow.
For now I must log off and head home and get dinner on the table and continue building good will and as possible good cheer.
To be continued tommarow......
May God be with all of you and bless you with restfull and hopefull productive night.
