rayanne, You are right my brain and/or my body might have already taken the timeout. I guess I have been trying so hard for so long that I forgot to take care of my own self. It is hard to fight the inner you to do something that you don’t normally do. I guess I’ve just lost in this pool of emotion for so long that I don’t know how I feel any more. I have to find the strength to push that closet door opens so that I don’t babble any more. Where is that strength?
ANS, I thought about what you said related to what we think we give to others – not what they want but what we want and we don’t realize that. You are right. Maybe we didn’t see it and we thought that we did the good thing but instead it was a bad thing.
Believe it or not my wife DID say that her expectation was too high and because of that she got very disappointed throughout our marriage. She said that I have been a good father to my kids, a good husband to her, but was not the “GREAT” father and the “GREAT” husband. Toward the end of her affair, I DID see one of her journals written about me compared to the MM. She said that the MM didn’t even come close to who or what I’m. All of her friends were jealous about what she has had in term of the ideal family. She has a husband who provides everything she wants financially and domestically. The husband who cooks and cleans, goes grocery shopping, runs errands, pays bills, plans a vacation (books airline, hotel, car rental), etc…The kids who maintain straight A and good behaviors, etc… And on and on… And look at what she has done. She turned around and betrayed her husband.
Andy, you are right. Maybe my wife didn’t know what she really wanted and maybe she’s been spoiled by all this and taken for granted what she has had.
Jamesjohn, Yep, my board name still applies to me despite the warming trend from my wife, but the night still continues to be SOOOO lonely. Well in a sense I should be used to it by now after 11 years of sleeping alone (I still couldn’t figure out what went wrong there).
I don’t know what type of crap she has had in the past but as far as I know I was her first man ever to kiss her and sleep with her until her affair. Somehow she couldn’t take herself out of this deep valley of guilt and resentments. So many times I just wanted to give up on her or trying to save this marriage. I’m pretty sure there are women out there who might love me enough to spend a night sleeping next to me.
Jamesjohn, here are some of the answers to your questions:
LAN said, “She said that no one in her family seem to get alone with her or like her that much including her parents."
Jamesjohn asked, “Wow, what's up with that? Does she really think this, or was it a pity-party moment? Is this a realistic perception of hers? Do YOU see any truth in this? Is there a little self-esteem problem going on here? Does she have any friends or other support groups? How "clingy" is she with your children?”
LAN answers: Yes, she really thinks so and it wasn’t a pity-party moment at all. It is in deed a realistic perception of hers and stays in her mind since childhood. I DO see certain truth in this, especially NOW since I pay more attention to her behavior and her interaction with her side of family. It confirmed that when I spent lots of times talking to her siblings during her affair. Her behavior is also a duplicate of her father’s to the core. The controlling, the hot temper, the “her way” or the highway, the “not accepting the rejection” or the “not willing to accept that she might be wrong”, etc….I think there is a MAJOR, not a little self-esteem problem going on here. Nope, She doesn’t have any friends or support group to talk to because she refused to seek that type of helps. However, she is very good with the kids and the kids are attached to her more than me. It is almost like my wife has been trying very hard to have them closer to her than before the affair. Losing the kids to me if there is a custody fight is out of question. She will fight to the end if needs be.
R8chel, Well, since I’v just moved in to this new place, I don’t know what the outcome would be. I hope for the best, but one of my neighbors (Kent) has already moved out, of course for the best. I’m happy for him and his family. I do hope to see you here someday too.
LAN
[ December 18, 2001: Message edited by: LonelyAtNight ]
