Andy Thank you for the link. Wow, I thought I was alone on this emotionless roller coaster. You are right on the target when you said about what works or what doesn’t work. It depends on how one sees it. I thought that throughout our 15 years marriage I did lots of things to fulfill my wife’s needs and took for granted that they were working. It turned out that what I did was not good enough to her expectation and I didn’t even have a clue about her unhappiness. However, she did admit that she was hard to please and it was/is in her nature throughout her life. She said that no one in her family seem to get alone with her or like her that much including her parents.
Once we got married, she thought that everything would become like a love script out of Hollywood romantic movie. She didn’t realize that the Honeymoon was over and denied that reality existed.
Andy, about the teaspoon thing, I think I might have used the wrong tool to dig the wall. I think I have to stop digging with a “toothpick” and stop blowing the dusk with my breath instead of using the brush.
What do you think?
rayanne You are absolutely right. I think I NEED a break from all this for a while. Yep, the timeout is in order here. But then, how am I going to do that? I have been doing it for so long that I don’t even know how to stop doing it. I mean when the going get tough the tough gets going. I don’t want to lose the momentum here, but yet I’m exhausted. Right now, a timeout would mean a distance from my wife. That would definitely backfire.
Jamesjohn, I understand “patience” is the key. I have been there and still am. For 11 years, I have been waiting for the moment that I can spend time alone with my wife IN BED and ALL NIGHT LONG. But that hasn’t happened yet, then BOOM the affair. As strange as it sounds, my wife has been focusing most of her energy on the kids right after they were born including having them sleeping in the same room with her for all these years until they moved out to their own room two years ago (That’s when her affair started). So my LonelyAtNight continues.
Zebra, Thank you for the support and kind words. I DID realize that I’ve been working very hard and have seen progress so far, but I still don’t know how to make my goal to become a reality. It seems to be almost impossible or out of reach. That discouraged me. Like I said to Jamesjohn, to just be able to sleep next to my wife in the same room is just a light year away. For those of you who didn’t have that type of experience, I hope you never be in one.
