Quote: it still sucks when she gets out of the shower and won't let me corner her in the hallway... but i've tried to relax a little more.
I have tried this sort of thing with my W on many occasions and am met with much resistance. There have been many evenings when the kids are out of the house, not so late that she is tired, right time of the month, all stars in alignment, or so I think. I say something along the lines of "Let's go to bed and take advantage of our time together. Let's make love, have some fun." She responds with a resounding no without any real explanation.
Should the alpha in me take a different tact such as "Come with me to the bedroom. I am going to do you right now"?
My wife never swoons with excitement for me in any animalistic way. Any alpha approach from me usually finds me shot down and tagged. Remember the LD partner usually determines when the sex will occur. Its about control and dominance. No amount of alpha enticement at this point will matter.
What L4L is talking about (I think) is assertiveness in other areas of the relationship. Determining where her control stops and yours begins. (boundaries L4L?) If I am to understand this, she gains respect and thus an attraction that is not purely animalistic, but rather a humanly female response to what is best described as a sense of strength and confidence from the man which translates to the woman as protection and security. Ideally, over time this type of relationship manifests itself in a mutually satisfying SL.
I've thought the same at times. In fact, I really think there is something to this theory, but it scares me to think to hard about it, because I was that LD wife for 21 years. In fact, I thought I was just a cold fish. I didn't ever want sex. Even in the beginning. And I knew from the beginning that I was not in love or even attracted to my 1st husband. But I stayed with him for the kids. Finally after many years, I just excepted that I was not into sex. I stopped believing in "true love" or "chemistry" I had to in order to keep my sanity and not hurt too much with my decision to stay in that marriage.
Eventually the kids grew up and much to my suprise, I just ended it. Just like that. I didn't have a plan, I didn't really thing it thourgh and I was scared to death of being alone for the rest of my life. Which was what I expected.
Then I met my current H. and we were married withing the year. Now to my suprise again, I discover I love sex. I love to love him, I love all those sex acts that I previously hated. And its not just the novelty. I've been remarried for over 3 years now, and I still feel the same way. The sad part is I fell in love with a LD husband. Or did I, maybe he is like me in my first M. I have thoughts like this often. In my first M, I didn't even know that was the problem. I really thought I was just cold. My whole personality changed with my new H. I'm not really a moody _itch!
Now, as happy as he makes me (every where but in bed) I have been scared he just didn't have the right feelings for me.
But during my stronger moments, I remind myself how great he is out of the bedroom. He really does go out of his way to show me he loves me. I have to keep reminding myself of this. And maybe you should examine other ascepts of you R before calling it quits. It really might just be a sex issue and not a love issue.
How does your guy act out of the bedroom? I was pretty difficult to live with in or out of the bedroom in my first marriage. It wasn't just sex that I didn't like. I didn't love him. and it showed in all areas. I just didn't care about his feelings, period.
