yeah goodguy... along with L4L i totally agree that we are right on topic. i realized several months ago that my fiance is simply not changing. she is LD. at least right now in this relationship. after closely examining all possible causes of this and reading SSM together... i am beginning to look more closely at *my* involvement in this LD problem. after almost a year of convincing myself 'it's not me, it's her'... as the title of this thread suggests - maybe it's me.
now i know it's not entirely me. and i know it's not entirely her. it's a complex combination of factors involving her upbringing, my past relationship, jobs, stress, finances, and probably a million other things. it seems hopeless.
so for the time being, what harm does it cause for me to feel better about myself? i used to 'enforce my boundries' a little too aggressively. i have not tolerated her LD from the day it poked it's ugly head into this relationship. but i haven't stopped loving her. a year later, and about a billion nerves shot, i am examining the idea of 'the alpha male'... and re-establishing my boundries in a 'calm assertive way'. it's funny because i have never read anything about this... only what i've read on this board.
some of it is intuitive though. we watched 9 1/2 weeks the other night. i don't think it's a particularly sexy film, but i liked mickey rourke's assertiveness. and it got me thinking... do all women? obviously he took it too far. but not for a while.
and my application of this has yeilded positive results in the last few days. it still sucks when she gets out of the shower and won't let me corner her in the hallway... but i've tried to relax a little more. i think i'm on my way to twice in one week for the first time since christmas...
