A good guy at heart but so frustrating to live with. Well, I can relate to BB here on some level Lou. I don't find it surprising that you (a good guy) and GoodGuy59 (a self-designated "good guy" Lol) are so confused on this issue, and frustrated. I think some women find "good guys" to be too supplicating. Also, I think, whether subconsciously or not, the woman loses respect for a man who doesn't seem to have any strong boundaries. This goes both ways of course. I think men probably see women who let them walk all over them in a less respected light. In other words, a woman who puts up with a Jerk and does not respect herself enough to maintain a boundary is just as bad as the Man who lacks boundaries related to his W's continued avoidance, nagging, pickiness, whining, whatever it happens to be. I'm not picking on you Lou but since you asked... LFL play along with me for a little. (my case, I assume yours is different) So you want to spout off on 10 different things that bother you or don't like, act like you deserve more, and I am supposed to tell which things (things that irritate you or things you want) and determine the ones I should ignore, which things I should be able to tell are BS, and which things I really need to pay attention to????? You're missing the point here I think. It's not about A, B, or C. It's about telling me to knock it off!!! I'm really not joking here. When I start being a PITA to my H, I think I really am looking for him to maintain a boundary with me. And when he doesn't, it makes me....hmmm...I'm not sure how it makes me feel other than I know I am testing his boundaries and he's not being the Man and telling me to Back the F Off. When he Does do that, I sure do notice and listen. Like with the getting a job as a hostess. He said no way and I respect him for that. He has a boundary in place. Good. I like'em. In my case, too many chances to get it wrong so I hide in my cave sometimes, don't interact much with BB for fear of getting it wrong. That is like someone saying the stew needs more spice so I pepper it more only to be held responsible for taking out the pepper after the stew is cooked. Hiding, not interacting...these are patterns that you have when BB starts to PICK, which she loves to do. Instead of fixing the damm spice...or the ice cube tray..or whatever...why don't you tell her to stop complaining so much and NOT fix anything when she acts like that. It's not about any of these THINGS Lou, it's about you standing up for yourself when she KNOWS DAMM WELL she is being a real PITA. Every time you backdown, it reinforces her picking over and over again. So maybe I and other guys need to ignore the BS, but which BS is not important, and which BS if ignored takes so many love units out of the love bank, the R becomes impaired a little at a time till one does not want to deal with BS? No! Ignoring it is making it worse. I think you need to pull out the calm assertive Alpha guy at these times and tell her to knock it off. Nothing is going to change Lou until you break the patterns. Just my 2 cents, ok, maybe 4 cents.
