thank you for all of the valuable insight. i have been on this board for less than a week and already i feel a change in my life. michelle's book was the first step - but these stories are really changing me. not the relationship, necessarily - yet. but i feel so much better just having an awareness of what's going on. it's all coming into focus.
and THAT has given me a 'calm assertiveness' in a sense. this weekend i applied that - even though much of 'alpha' psychology is new to me. things went much smoother until this morning. which i will get to...
understanding her LD and the possible causes of it have changed my outlook on life dramatically. first of all, i am content with my own HD. and i am content that if things don't continue to change (which they are...slowly) i will be fine with leaving this R. it will hurt, badly. but it will hurt a lot more to stay. knowing that things will be 'ok' either way... has given me confidence. we are on a 'once a week' agreement. but i am still afraid to ask her if she ever imagines things changing... like radically changing...her changing. back into the person she used to me when we started dating. if the 'newness aphrodesiac' is the only reason she was HD at the beginning... i believe this R is all but over. but if it was a combination of trust issues and my assertiveness changing... which can both be restored... than i still have hope for this R.
we're not married and we have no kids. but love is worth it for me. i fantasize about her every day. and if i can have back what i once had... i will give it everything i've got.
oh - this morning... apparently i've been saying other women's names in my sleep. maybe this is it's own thread. she said if it happens once more she is leaving. i suspect she's exaggerating... but this is so frustrating. i can't help this! all i need is more complications!!
