LFL Lifetime channel. They have a lot of "romance" movies.....Maybe it reinforces some of her belief system and she really likes that. They might. If she watches romance movies it is on one of the Encore or Stars Networks. Watching Lifetime, BB picks up om the somebody is wacko movies. Must be connected her previous mental health (15 years) employment she retired from 2 years ago.
I'd probably ask about it. Confront her on her statement. "If men are selfish controlling pigs, why do you want to keep watching shows that reinforce that belief? I did ask and got two answers generally. . man are controlling pigs. or 2, "what difference does it make to you what I watch, Don't I have the right to view what I like?" " I don't tell you what you should like or what you should watch." IE she does what she wants to do and I should allow her to choose anything she likes.
Does it make you feel better or worse?" I ask. No real answers, mostly deflections. Guess I need to just say OH.
"I feel like you look at me in a bad light after watching shows like that. It makes me feel like I'm disappointing you in some way. I did this several times. The answer was I am different. A good guy at heart but so frustrating to live with. I also asked if she could name any man we know as an example of a bad H. She couldn't at the time but said lots of men are bad Husbands.
At this time I droop the subject of generalising and ask for to let me know specific individuals and specific traits for an example of what she views as bad H traits.
they must have loved you in that board. Messing with their self-protecting perceptions. I would say 75% of the LBS/women did not acknowledge my points and were sticking to the line if sex was poor or bad it was not the lack of sex or it's poor quality, it was because the walk away spouse (the men in most cases) was unhappy with him self.
Yes my idea that sex was important in a M was shot down and something like he had problems that had nothing to do with many of the 5LL concepts.
On another forum I posted sex was important and got replies from men that a woman's body was hers to do with as she saw fit, it must be my fault my W does not like sex, or I should understand her because of some hormonal, aging or general women's issues. They advised I play golf and forget about sex.
Then I read the breast cancer forum. Some pluses for sex and many negatives concerning sex. And finally the menopausal forum. 80% said they could do without sex but still wanted the attention they used to get when they were sexually active, IE no strings attention.
So, yes I was not Mr charming, I did not get many "I want a guy like you" very often. I did get some replies that stated women empathized with me and some asked if I had any advice how to get their H interested in sex again.
This is gold Lou. Good for the young guys on this board to realize too. Your W, 20 years later, still remembering how you did not ASSERT yourself when she gave you mixed signals. Mixed signals??? At the time the signals were she was Pi$$ed, don't bother.
That is one of the main reasons I post some of these things. In general I don't see much of what I have to say is going to change anyone's behavior in the short term. I am hoping some guys and women can see patterns in my life and maybe see the mistakes and some successes I have had and hopefully they can apply some of the good things and avoid some of the bad things I have done.
I want some people to see through some of the false impressions I may have had so they can improve their situation. I also want to be busted if someone sees some faulty thinking on my part.
Concerning the feedback I receive, PMA and go for it, be more confident, more alpha works sometimes. It also has a price to me and an impact on BB. Those prices and impacts are always being evaluated. Some days PMA and being more alpha works, sometimes they don't.
SHE WAS SHOWING PO'D SIGNALS BUT STILL WANTED SEX. See, that was right out of your W's mouth. She did want sex but wasn't able to show it outwardly and it came out all wrong, pissy, avoidant, whatever. My problem with this, why 20 years later?????????? Not fair no matter what anyone says now.
Also consider it was when I was being made aware or at least some popular women were spouting women's right, women's independence, men have to be more feminine and caring, alpha is controlling. I guess it was part of the times (culture changing) that was a problem. What I see is women want to be equal when it comes to some things but still want an alpha male to do the work they don't want to do.
And just like your W, I WANT my H to be assertive enough to read through the BS and take charge a little LFL play along with me for a little. (my case, I assume yours is different)
So you want to spout off on 10 different things that bother you or don't like, act like you deserve more, and I am supposed to tell which things (things that irritate you or things you want) and determine the ones I should ignore, which things I should be able to tell are BS, and which things I really need to pay attention to?????
(LFL I see some of your reasons for saying be alpha, but I guess in my R there are too many situations where I can guess wrong, or don't have enough successes to balance out the times I don't get it right.)
I have a similar thing happen with my work. I have 2 or 3 days in a row that no one wants to spend the money to repair anything so I just seem to waist my time evaluating problem printers. This results in low income, an attitude that leads to why try to get things to work. There will only be a likely hood of 50% of the customers willing to do what it takes to fix the situation.
I know R are not printers, but some of the feelings are the similar. The OP wants the R if it is easy and does not cost much.
Also in R's there has to be a certain amount of rewards and successes to failures for a person to keep trying to make the R better, what ever better means to each partner????
In my case, too many chances to get it wrong so I hide in my cave sometimes, don't interact much with BB for fear of getting it wrong. That is like someone saying the stew needs more spice so I pepper it more only to be held responsible for taking out the pepper after the stew is cooked.
OTH if I think I should ignore some things and do what I think is right and also say to myself the screw ups are OK, don't worry about them, I can see that working. close has to be acceptable to both spouses.
I WANT my H to be assertive enough to read through the BS and take charge a little. Not retreat, not avoid, not sulk. etc Too many men on here do that and it makes the situation so much worse Not retreat? I can buy that intellectually. What I have trouble with is getting little feedback about what is working and what I do right in my R. I think BF said you need to throw out some rewards because your H got close to what you wanted.
When I ignore some of the BS the R seems to suffer. The task I have trouble with is determining which BS to ignore, get it wrong and the intimacy/EC/sex decreases.
I think R are like going to a store. Go often enough and what you want is not there, damaged, over priced, have to wait in line too long, you get so you don't want to go to the R the store. What should add to the joy in your life becomes another chore to wade through, hoping you will get it right..
So maybe I and other guys need to ignore the BS, but which BS is not important, and which BS if ignored takes so many love units out of the love bank, the R becomes impaired a little at a time till one does not want to deal with BS?
More but work calls.
I am already losing EC credits today. The ice maker has an ice cube stuck in it. That was 15 minuets ago when I was notified and BB is visibly more grumpy. Which clues do I ignore????? She got out the "you are never going to fix anything around the house 1950 ice-cube trays, like so many times before.
Eight cubes in the ice maker tray, part of the way out. One got turned around a little and jammed but BB cant see any cubes at all. Is this also part of some BS that I should ignore somehow. Or is it something to keep the pot stirred up so she can have her space or avoid sex?
I also did not cook breakfast for her. Two strikes for the day, no three strikes. She wants a new storm door because she saw a new one more to her liking and style preference.
LFL, thanks for the help and insights. I do consider what you have to say. Just don't know how to impliment some things.
