bottom line - is that i think it *is* me. but i can't help it because she is attracted to either 1) newness, or 2) me - when i was confident (i.e. "alpha"?) but confidence is stripped when sex is taken away. I'm a firm believer in chemistry. But I also think there is a difference between love chemistry and sexual chemistry. I'm sure your F loves you and you love her. But sexually, it comes down to biology. Unfortunately, what works biologically does not always work emotionally/socially. We WANT to have an amazing sexual chemistry with the person we LOVE, but for lots of people that just doesn't happen. Your Alpha male comments make lots of sense. Women are often very sexually attracted to the man that may very well not Love them in the end, like the sensitive guy would. So it's a struggle between WANT and NEED. We Want the Alpha male but Need the sensitive guy too. Can you have both? Maybe. Can you work on bringing out more Alpha male traits in yourself? I would think so, but again, everyone is different. My H is Sensitive Guy, which I do love about him, but I also Want Alpha guy in him to come out more. He is very uncomfortable with that so it is a constant battle, even if not verbalized, it's in my mind. And as for newness, yes, all people biologically will be drawn to the New. We are programmed to do so. Doesn't mean we have to act on it. I don't see anything wrong with fantasizing about other people, maybe even using mild porn now and then. It's human nature to have sexual feelings/thoughts about other people, acting them out is where it can cause big problems. So, is it YOU really? Is it your fault? No. I don't think so. Give yourself a break there. There are just to many factors coming into play here. And hey, as you can see from these boards, you're certainly not alone.
