Not sure if sending the flowers was a good idea, but if she seemed appreciative, then that is good.
It really sounds like there might still be hope. I think you just need to hang in there, and because of how far it got, it might really take some time, but you two have children together and you will always be a part of each others lives forever, so you might as well try as hard as you can to make it work.
Just remember to control any anger you have and frustration. Give yourself a 10 sec rule or something before you react to something. We want her to be able to feel safe and secure with you. Continue to show compassion and encouragement to her, unless that doesn't work.
On the anniversary, remember DBing also states DON'T say "I love you". So it may be good to just appologize. Appologize for not understanding her needs in the past. Tell her that she is strong for going thru her tumor. Tell her that you are here for her now.
I wouldn't go too much further than that. Just my opinion though.
I also wouldn't bombard her with gifts either. My DB counselor said that we need to treat them as we would a good friend or brother or sister. Unless that is a part of your 180 and she had always wanted gifts before but you never gave them. Have you ever written her a letter? I absolutely love letters, and hardly ever get them, but I melt anytime I do.
My H finally came around end of July. He never moved out, did spend nite at his friends multiple times, (OW lived in another state), so it never got anywhere as far as yours, but he totally wanted a D. But after DBing for 4-6 months, he is back in my life and has said he wants me to be his wife forever. it's not perfect, but we're trying thank the Lord!
So don't give up. It sounds very promising that your exchanging fantasies. She's doing it for a reason, and she's unconsiously trying to get the response she is looking for, so keep a careful watch to how she is responding to you so you can see if what your doing is working or not.
God Bless, I'll keep praying for you guys... and a praise for no cancer!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
