Hello, PMD. I haven't posted to your sitch before, but I wanted to say some things jumped out at me. From earlier posts....
Quote: But alot has changed since she was born, I guess I just never noticed. Everyone in the family has said that my W's attitude changed right around that time frame. Our house was always spotless before D was born but since it is always dirty...the house looks like hell right now. Plus my wife never wanted a third child and she blamed me for the unwanted pregnancy because I did want more. Does this all sound off base or is it possible she is still holding resentment for the pregnancy and has tied that to our marital problems
This jumped out at me...first off let me say that I had an unexpected third pregnancy. Do I *blame* anyone? Hell no, it takes two to tango. Granted, the third child really added to the financial stress, but looking into my daughters eyes - would I send her back? Not on your life...or mine. Not even if my R depended on it.
Now, on to "housekeeping". When our family went from 2 kids to 3, well, let's just say all hell broke loose. One kid = easy. Two kids = manageable, got a routine going. OK. Three kids = DISORDER REIGNS!! My house hasn't been the same since #3 came home from the hospital. Goodness what a difference between 2 & 3. I don't know what it is. And, yes I'm going to be rude here - what did YOU do to assist your W? Did you ever do laundry? Shut your mouth and go do the dishes? I don't mean to sound like a b!tch, but even if you go to work during the day and provide financial support for the family, your duties don't stop there. Especially with 3 little ones that require 24 hour/day care. It's draining. Maybe that contributes to your W's feelings because 3 kids are NOT easy. There is NO CATCHING UP. Well, maybe when they're in their teens...lol. But until then, chaos is the norm.
Quote: W is clearly having a hard time handling things on her own and I can't continue to let it effect the kids.
Then you need to discuss it with her in a calm, reasonable manner. Provide your W with some possible solutions...can YOU take the kids to school? What can YOU do to assist your W here for the well-being of your children?
This statement sounds to me like you are very controlling...and still trying to control your W. Personally, I'd rather handle things on my own in a not so perfect way than have someone try to order me around, know what I mean?
Let me ask you something PMD...Why do you want to move back in? Just to keep an eye on your W? To control her? To stop OM from being there? Those are pretty poor reasons. It seems that in the angry stage your W is in right now (let alone the angry stage YOU are in) that moving back in will just serve to push her further away. In your guise to be "there for your kids", you're going to force yourself back into the house and it will only serve to piss your W off even more. Is that what you want to do? Is this your pride getting to you? The ego saying "I'll teach her a lesson - I'm not going to stand for OM in my house?" Well what happens when you move back in and that prompts your W to move out into her "own" place...or worse yet into OM's place. Then what the hell are you going to do?
PMD, I think you should back off a bit. I understand your concern for your children's well-being. Just don't confuse it with your issues with your W. I don't mean to sound so harsh - well, yes, I do. If you're concerned with the kids - then do something about it. Something positive - offer to take care of them more often; pick them up/drop them off; do not let your wounded pride control you and in turn try to control your W. Find a mutually agreeable compromise that will show your wife you're trying to help - not hinder things. If you can't speak with your W face to face without arguing, then perhaps send her an email with some alternatives/suggestions for resolving the issue.Only make sure you do it in a way that is not threatening or full of hostility. Don't make yourself the enemy. Or better yet, ask HER if she has any suggestions.
I hate to tell you, but regardless of whether you're living at home or elsewhere, if your W wants to see OM - she WILL. Ask anyone here going thru the same thing. They will find a way to see the OP...whether you're living with them or not. Don't antagonize the situation. Stop laying blame. Look at yourself and come to terms with your part in the erosion of your M. Take a step back for a while. Re-read DR / DB...if you don't have a copy, get one. Re-read, then read again. Sets some small attainable goals. They really do help. So, why don't you try doing that? Set 2 or 3 attainable goals and post them here for others to help you figure out how to reach them?
