KABOOOOMMM

[S.T. _I Made It!]

wow. I totally don't know what to tell you. I had the same thoughts about my hubs OW, cause it made me sick to think if we D, then he would be with her and the kids would see her.

I am so sorry to hear she is doing that, it is absolutely horrible, and she is not thinking straight or living in reality.

I do believe she could be depressed. Does she take care of herself at all? or did she when you guys were together? I think so many of us women have some sort of depression. We all think our bodies are ugly... well, most of us. and that we always need to lose weight no matter how thin we are.

This whole thing has really kicked me in the butt, because that's how I was. My husband never complimented me even when I primped up, so I felt like why bother, and I just hated myself more, and became less and less confident. That's probably part of the reason he's "with" the OW.

To give you hope, I do know that a friend of mine's husband had filed for D and they were even at the courts, but the courts had made a suggestion for a counseling class because Oklahoma had such a high D rate. Well, they went ahead and went, and I guess that started things on the right path. It was a class about how to learn the other persons needs without really changing who you are, but about listening and validating the other person and respecting their needs and thoughts, and how to show them love the way they want to be loved.

I'm so sorry about what is happening. All I know is that IMHO if you start accusing or demanding things she will just feel like your the enemy and draw closer to him.

Since I've made my change 2 weeks ago, from totally pursueing, snooping and all that, to being loving, having fun with myself (like golfing, working out, writing songs) that it seems my husband is more confused now. he told a friend that D is so final and that you can't turn back after it, so maybe he should do a 1 month seperation to see if any feelings are still there. The good thing is he's at least thinking now, but it isn't all good, because feelings don't matter- but you can't reason that with them. They are having their A and think there are sparks flying and they don't love you anymore, but Love is a decision, a choice. Real feelings follow after.

I will pray for you to gain strength and wisdom for your choices. I know it is so difficult, and I would hate to be where you are right now, but you need to continue to be strong, both for you and your children. IMHO I would try to get the kids as much as possible right now because they are going to be very confused and you need to support them now.

In Gods Love,
Crissy