My first post to the new forum format. I'm a-skeered I might mess up!!!!
Good to see you here Laney. I just stopped by. I'm on kind of a "board moritorium" for now. I find the board gets to me after awhile, so I frequently take sebaticals.
Once again, you have shown me, and hopefully yourself, how similar so many situations are. When I first learned this, it was a breath of fresh air to realize I was not alone. I helps me by helping me understand that I was not totally responsible for all this, and helps me understand that I can't fix it all. And, that if I can't fix it, it doesn't mean that I'm bad, or a failure.... that there is another involved with this, and that there are somethings I cannot control.
Also, it show me that my situation is unique in some ways, in that there are really no rules here, other than to keep doing what works, and stop doing what doesn't, and always look for more things that do work. I find all the pretty easy. One thing I find hard is to try something different that I fear might backfire, but seems to make sense. I have found that taking risks and sticking my neck out, I have made some of the best moves in rebuilding trust. I've done some damage also, but not nearly as much as when I "get it right". It's frightening, but it feels really good when it works.
I've not followed up on the idea I recently mentioned, but I keep looking for opportunities to show my support and empathy. The key to broaching something this deep and personal in the WS is to not push it. It's important to realize how much importance we place on somethings that may actually offend the other, and realize that much of the urge is to make ourselves feel better. We must remember that so often, it ain't about us. Then, when we can look beyond those things that are important to us, we can better see those that are important to them, and see how the opportunities to do things that build the trust and intamacy. That's how I try to operate, and I struggle with maintaining the patience to do it.
