I'd like to ask her how she's doing with her casual contact with him. If she's got pangs, if she sees that contact as a conflict to our improving. If she ever is torn about what her current relationship path and partner should be, and if she would or could like to talk about it. I know this is really an off limits area in general, but in the context of being her friend, I wonder if I open up to the possibility of talking about her feelings here... if I can open up a new level of trust and therefore further break down secrets and increase intimacy by showing her that I am willing to, and can be her must trusted and supportive confidant even in the most difficult of topics... The key is to be totally detached, to be completely unjudgemental and unconditionally supportive. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When this was first posted, I was not in a good frame of mind, but now I seem to be back on a even keel.
I had attempted to go this route with my W, but she wouldn't allow it because the thought proccess she needed to go through required her to search her feeling with total honesty. When it relates to OP, that can be BRUTAL as they contemplate "...why can't I be with them?..." or even "...why can't I be with BOTH?...". I only learned some insight to her thoughts because she would journal them to help sort through them and I read it while snooping.
They don't want to include you in this process because they feel it will hurt you and they don't want to add more hurt than they already have or deal with the guilt brought on by the additional hurt. Fearing such an outcome will most likely make them uncomfortable to talk to you on this topic.
If you like to read more details about my experience with this stop by my thread...
