I don’t have an example similar to yours for comparison. I would say it manifests more like jealousy and resentment, that I am so good, showing off, sucking up, etc. Rather than her finding anything positive in having a capable husband, she sees any praise of my abilities as a lack of validation of her abilities. It really is jealousy. But this would mean she wants-to-want, which is vulnerable, so she shuts that feeling down and instead focuses on negating my abilities, thus trying to pull me back to the same level as her.
I experience this as snide remarks later on how I am so “false” and “two faced” to my family or outsiders. This has not been as much a problem over the past year because I have asked my family to not visit us and I have not visited her family. I think the problem remains but is dormant for the moment since I have eliminated the spark to get this issue burning again.
As Mojo said on my old thread, what she really needs is lots of hugs and validation, and for me to completely ignore her attacks. But completely ignoring her attacks never worked in the past because she took that as license to control and dominate as she pleased. Giving validation for whatever she accomplishes is what I need to focus more on.
