Thanks for posting all these articles. I especially like the one on LRS animal training. I think there could be a lot more to this approach than just saying “oh.” Think about this a minute. We on this board have been discussing various methods of relationship therapy. Schnarch emphasizes individual growth. IMAGO, Harley, Gottman, Schlessinger, and other emphasize the relationship and other validation. DB seems to borrow from both but does so in a passive, withholding manner (as with the last resort technique).
I like the idea of LRS in this article in that I can see how it combines all these methods together. From the growth perspective, I particularly like the idea of researching your spouse as you would an animal and understanding what makes him/her tick. Identifying mannerisms, preferences, behaviors, etc. is all a way of learning your partner’s love language, is it not? It also requires understanding his/her FOO. I can see how this greater understanding would be very appealing to the spouse, giving the sense of validation we all need. So many of the IMAGO and Marriage Builders techniques can be used.
To be a qualified “trainer” would you not need to do your own background work, coming to terms with your own FOO, your own issues, behaviors, etc.? Isn’t this really what Schnarch is all about? And wouldn’t the ideas of Blackfoot and others regarding the alpha male blend in nicely? This seems to be very much in line with Cesar Milan’s methods too.
So failure to modify the behavior of your spouse may not necessarily be the fault of your spouse, but partly your own fault as the “trainer.” I know thinking of my wife as a particularly stubborn primate can be a helpful image to help my detachment. (If I get even more frustrated I can just move my metal image down the evolutionary scale. LOL!)
I like the idea that strong boundaries are used as the “punishment” (bringing about the differentiation and holding onto yourself ideas) but enmeshment is given as the reward (helping to satisfy the relationship approach and abate any abandonment issues). In this way I can see some of the value of Dr. Schlessinger’s ideas coming to play in the reward phase, through the use of the most relevant love language.
I’m going to think a little more on this. I like the idea. It is a LOT more than just saying “oh.”
