Quote: How can you recognize intimacy in a relationship? The following ten statements describe intimate relationships:
1. Continuous, honest communication and contact with one another exists even if the contact is not in person but is by phone, mail, or some other form.
2. A mutual task to carry out at home, school, or on a job is willingly shared, discussed, and enjoyed together.
3. An affinity or attraction to one another exists to the exclusion of others.
4. The company of one another is sought even when you both have a wide selection of other individuals from which to choose.
5. A sixth sense, ESP, or other extra perceptual facility develops with which you can communicate at a nonverbal level, with no need for words to clutter or detract from the communication.
6. A sense of humor, sense of play and casualness develops in which you enjoy ``give and take'' and are relaxed in each other's company.
7. A protective sense of privacy and guardedness about your relationship exists; it is not subjected to public scrutiny, criticism, or judgment.
8. The relationship is a productive enterprise resulting in mutual satisfaction, reward, and reinforcement for each other.
9. The relationship has a purpose, direction, and order to it that is reasonable, realistic, and healthy for both of you.
10. A firm commitment, agreement, or contract exists with each other to be mutually supportive, understanding, and accepting of one another.
Obstacles to establishing intimacy in a relationship
The following behavior patterns or feelings are barriers to establishing healthy intimacy in a relationship:
Inability to develop trust in one another
Chronic sense of insecurity
Fear of failure
Fear of being vulnerable to being hurt or subjected to pain
Inability to take a risk
Inability to let go of hurts and fears from previous relationships
Lack of role models for healthy intimacy
Inability to recognize or accept one's own problem in handling intimacy
Inability to control the impact of anger, hostility, or resentment in the relationship
Fear of losing the other in death or some other calamity
Fear of being successful in the attainment of intimacy
Inability to accept one's own responsibility in developing intimacy in the relationship
Inability to handle conflict within the relationship
Poor problem solving between the partners
Fear of loss of approval; fear of rejection
Chronic defensiveness
Over aggressiveness or passivity between the parties
Power struggles between the parties for control of the relationship
Competition between the parties
Poor communication
Blaming each other for problems in the relationship
Fear of being too exposed or being found out for whom you ``really are''
Fear of claustrophobia or being smothered in the relationship
Desire to be left alone, isolated, and ignored
Mental or physical health problems that impede the relationship's growth
Fear that the relationship will become sexual in nature (especially if the parties are not married)
Fear of loss of identity
Inability to show affection, tenderness, or caring
Inability to be open, honest, and forthright
Being in denial about needing help
If the parties are married or are sexual partners, other obstacles include:
Fear of sexual intercourse
Fear of impotency, premature ejaculation, or no ejaculation
Physically based sexual problems
Lack of candor, openness, or honesty concerning sexuality
Unwillingness to be creative, explorative, or imaginative sexually
Embarrassment with one another in the sexual arena
Poor body image and discomfort with nudity
Hang ups due to moral, religious, or value beliefs
