When I first read that article, I freaked out. You mean it's not SUPPOSED to be this way? Holy cow! This describes every relationship I've ever been in!
This paragraph
Quote: Develop a philosophy of "helping'' which emphasizes that what people need is emotional support and understanding of their feelings concerning a problem rather than advice, direction, suggestions, or "content'' solutions.
describes why alanon is so good. Because there all you do (if you care to speak up at all) is talk about what's going on with you. No one else is allowed to speak directly to you or offer you any advice or even to comment on what you said except to say thank you for sharing.
At first that seems soooo weird-- I mean, don't you go to others for advice? I think I remember Lou saying one time that he went to a meeting and was put off by the fact that you couldn't get any advice or solutions there. But the philosophy of the 12-Step programs is that the wisdom is inside you and when you get ready to grow and change, your higher power (God, soul, universal energy, etc.) will work in you and through you and all you need from outside is emotional support and a safe space in which to BE.
This board kind of runs counter to that... but I still enjoy giving advice and hearing advice. Thought provoking stuff.
