RE Lil's post on another thread. Now she's 82, and a couple of Mother's Days ago we had just about the only deep conversation we've ever had-- on the phone. I've only seen her twice in the last 28 years. (Once when I hadn't seen my parents in a few years, I was on a trip to her state for business and said I could come to see them, and she said, "Don't bother," so I didn't.) She said now that she looks back over her life, she sees that she was a bad wife. And she was. She realizes now that she made my father's life miserable. She wishes she had been different. She wishes now that she had been more loving and open. He died in 1989.
Even with that much self-awareness, she isn't capable of much change at this point. She doesn't fly, so she didn't come to my wedding in 1990 to my late H, nor did she come to his funeral. I used to send her flowers, etc., for Mother's Day, birthday, etc., but she told me to stop, so I did. You really can't get through her wall.
If true and not an analogy or something like one, that was saddening to read. When I read it I thought about how I could help in some little way. If she lived within a days drive.....Well that option did cross my mind but what would/could I do to make the situation better for you and possibly for her.
Cyber hugs for the daughter whose mother said don't bother. I know you said you felt shut-off from her love as a child, I don't understand how this type of behavior can go on so long. I don't understand some people.
I have a short mental e-mail to her saying that for two years I have read her daughters post and have got to know someone that is caring, knows how to up lift others, wants to feel like she is part of a good group of people, wants some more people to value and love her, works to improve the lives of others, herself, and friends, so loosen up and get to know the Lil of today. It would be worth her time and make someone I know really happy?
