I’m just thinking along the lines of your posts that his resentment toward his wife is holding him back in his relationship with you and if he could truly see that and resolve it, he might be able to move forward. I recall long ago, after I graduated from grad school and was dating around, which was 2-3 years after I broke up with my college girlfriend, this girl I was seeing at the time told me I still had not gotten over that old girlfriend. I remember being taken aback and feeling rather stunned at her comment because I had no clue how much I was still hung up on her.
I was just thinking your BF is still hung up on his ex. He may hate her and be resentful toward her, but underneath all that could be other feelings that are keeping him trapped, like does he still love her, or does he still love the idea of what they could have/should have been, something like that. If he has talked about all this and is working with his therapist on these issues, maybe there is not much more to do. But it sounds like he has been struggling with this a long time. There must be a lot of water under the bridge for him to have gone through two therapists, two workshops and he is still stuck on the issue. If there is any comparison to my experience, focusing on his anger toward his ex will not get him anywhere. With me, the real source of my problems was with my FOO, specifically my mother.
I know that only his therapist can help him with these issues, which is why I said you are off the hook. I was not aware how much of this he was already working on. Still, if you can help him break through this issue (and I’m not sure how you do this) I would think he could finally experience what true devotion, caring and love means. That is the opportunity I had in mind, the chance to stand by his side in these tough times and come out together even stronger and more committed. It is the hard times that creates the lasting bonds and shows what true love is all about. It does not take much commitment to hang around when things are good. Does your BF understand this concept?
