Lou, I don't know about the reality of the jail threat in our state. I'm sure she wants the money, and I think she is doing this to get his attention. I think he should borrow the $$ from his mom, write her a check, get a lawyer to deliver it, make sure the paperwork is in order for the future, and get it over with with as little fuss, muss, and bother as possible.

I believe their original decree stated that the child support would be a percent of his net income. But I believe also a dollar amount was noted that was a percentage of his income at that time. And as I said, he was religious in paying it, even at the height of his drinking.

He told me last night that the date in the papers re the beginning of the non-payment period is July 2004. He was laid off from his job and had the heart surgery in April 2004. Even so, he made the April payment. He made the May and June payments from his unemployment check, and the amount he paid was the original percent, but of the unemployment check.

What he should have done is right then sat down with her or communicated with her and said, this is my new financial situation, let's renegotiate. But at the time, his priority was getting over the quad bypass surgery, dealing with the layoff and cessation of income (except for umemp), stopping drinking, etc. Okay, that was his excuse at the time, and that excuse might have carried him for a year or so. I told him several times during that period that he really needed to talk to her. I could just picture how mad she was getting. And somehow I think he thought she should have been able to intuit what he was going through and be sympathetic and understanding without his having to ask for it. This would be a lot to ask from anyone, but it makes no sense to expect understanding from her, given their history, and given his knowledge of her personality (he's known her since she was 15.)

Bf keeps attributing potential to her that I do not see. (Kind of like you keep attributing potential to BB, Lou, that the rest of us do not see.) I mean, he hates her now, which probably means he loves her, too.

Anyway, as is typical of the 7, he puts things off, hopes they will resolve themselves, puts a positive spin on stuff when it's not appropriate (just like we 4's put a negative spin on stuff when it's not always appropriate).

Cobra wrote
Quote:

What better time to step up and show your committment to the R and bring out the issues that are keeping you BF trapped in his resentment and emotional distance. I think this could be he kind of breakthrough that can do more than all the books you have read over thepast 5 years! He is 50% of the equation, plus all you haveto do is get him to agree to talk about it in counseling, so your completely off the hook.

I'm intrigued by this, cobra, but I confess I don't have the slightest idea what you're getting at. However, I'm dying to hear your explanation. Get bf to talk about WHAT in counseling? Forgiving her? He does talk about that with his therapist. We've been to two therapists together, the Undefended Love workshop, and a forgiveness workshop (taught by his therapist)... what is it you feel we should be talking about now? He has no problem talking about his resentment and exactly WHAT it is that she did that he's so mad about. He recognizes that he has not forgiven her. And I agree that those reasons mask things that are going on within him. I think he and his C are working on those. Spell out for me how this can be a breakthrough for him and me? I'm not discounting your ideas-- just not understanding.