Bf's ex served papers on him-- she's suing him for two years' back child support (~$14,000), interest, her lawyer's fees AND she wants him to go to jail for ten years.
I think if they had been in even minimal communication the past couple of years, this wouldn't have happened. Still, it does seem a bit much.
Even since their D eight years ago he was always RELIGIOUS in paying child support. When he got laid off, then had the quad bypass surgery a week later (two years ago-- April 2004), his income ceased. He had been carrying the two daughters on his health insurance, too, and that ceased. (He had cobra for less than a year-- yes, they dropped him before 18 months-- for the past year or so he has had NO health insurance-- and to have added two family members to the cobra would have been well over $1,000 per month. So the ex put them on her health insurance under duress.).
He was out of work for well over a year... he did have one sales job for a few months that did not work out. Y'all are somewhat familiar with his limited job opportunities due to two felony convictions (drugs) from over 20 years ago (in our state, they can never be expunged; I researched that thoroughly), and lack of a college degree. Being 55 years old doesn't help. All of this is very humiliating to him and contributes to the reason why he hasn't kept in communication with her. I know: bad judgment. There's that 7 tendency to put off thinking about things... just deflect and hope it will all work out somehow.
The job he has now is 100% commission and most weeks he doesn't get a paycheck at all. Eventually he'll get some business in the pipeline and should start making decent money (by "decent, I mean ~$25K - $35K-- not what most of you would consider decent, but enough for a modest lifestyle when $500 per month is NOT being spent on liquor), but he's not to that point yet. His mom helps him financially; she is extremely well off. Ultimately, one day, since he is an only child, her assets will be his. By then he'll have Medicare for insurance-- I hope he lasts that long.
Anyway, none of this excuses his failure to make all of this clear to the ex and keep her fully informed of this all along. He still has NOT forgiven her for being a WAW-- therapy, a firgiveness class, nothing has helped him get past his rage at her. This latest thing is a setback, to say the least.
Although his financial sitch should be no mystery to her, since he gave her his last two income tax returns last month when she was filling out paperwork for their daughters' college financial aid. I believe his income for one of those years was ~$11,000. (House paid for, vehicles paid for-- major expenses are utilities and gasoline).
To his everlasting credit, when he got served with the papers, he did NOT head to the liquor store. He went out to my house and potted up about 20 plants-- three of them were small trees. Then he told me about the bomb. Then he called his therapist and went to his house for a couple of hours. I was SOOOO proud of him for that.
We told each daughter separately yesterday-- one home while the other was at work (twins, just graduated from high school a month ago). They turn 18 in September. To the girls' everlasting credit, where each one MIGHT have said, "But what about money for my college?!?" in fact NEITHER one said that. Each said separately, "Omigod... don't worry about money for college. The lawsuit is at the top of the list of priorities."
And one daughter identified the elephant in the middle of the room. "If y'all would just TALK to each other, this probably wouldn't have happened! Both of you communicate through US, and you shouldn't do that!" She's absolutely right.
Still, the part about 10 years in jail did seem to be overkill. Especially since the DAY before, she had asked the other daughter to ask bf if he could come up with $XX,000 to supplement that daughter's scholarship.
All three of them identify the ex-w at the type of person who looks at every situation strictly for how it directly affects HER. She doesn't seem to see a bigger picture. Let me make this clear: the girls DO NOT trash their mom to my bf and he does not trash their mom to them. (Thank goodness the girls have each other...). But yesterday, Daughter One gave us the example of how she was telling her mom something about her new job, and mom interrupted her with, "What does that have to do with ME? Nothing-- so I don't CARE about that!" This seems emblematic of mom's thinking. I can't imagine that she wouldn't give some thought to how this lawsuit will make her look in her daughters' eyes.
I'm sure several of you have been on one side (or both sides) of a sitch like this, so you may not have any sympathy for him (or his ex)-- and yes, they should by all means keep the lines of communication open. I've never been around anything like this.
I'm very proud of him that he did not use this as an excuse to start drinking. And when he told each daughter about the suit, there wasn't a trace of animosity or resentment in his voice. He was utterly neutral, straight, factual, reasonable, practical-- there was no "color," no name calling, very little expression of feeling at all. (Privately he told me his first impulse was to kill her!)
The girls are SO different in spite of being twins. One cried (she's the one who said, "y'all should talk") and the other was totally cool, calm, and collected (my assessment is that she's the caretaker of her more volatile sister and high maintenance mother and buries her feelings pretty deep).
