Lil, when bf gives one of his fog talks IE, ( I don't know/ can't guarantee what will happen 30 minuets from now ), I have been there too. Sometimes if feels as if BB is wanting a 100% assurance/commitment from me. (feeling like= whirlpool, monkey with the grape in hand stuck in the trap, volunteer for an hour but it takes 3 hours to do the job type of thing))

Instead of pushing the issue, ask your bf to pretend to be Mr Spock or Vulcan like and ask for a probability (with in 25%) of something happening. Emphasize that you mostly want to determine his for /against feelings, not his ability to actually deliver the goods in a tough situation.

I know for myself, I intend or think something is easy to do, but get hung up with more details and work than I had anticipated more than once. This made me back-off talking about doing and committing to some things.

BB now see my cautiousness as an unwillingness to do certain things. I felt I promised too much in the past and now have to protect myself from over promising and possibly not delivering the goods as she wishes them to be delivered and on her time table. But bf is not me. FWIW.

I just picked up a communication book, too, called "Saying What's Real," that gives concrete communication tools. Just the first chapter addressed the "fog machine," ..... it's usually because they're afraid. And of course, I had just made the comment about "not wanting to stay in a sexless R forever" when he launched the fog.
I hope the book helps to nail down your bf's response to something more concrete.

Going down on you, has an ick factor, HJ's take too long, "do they have to show that on the screen," sounds like a long way to go for a guy that is where your bf is at now. Of course there are more less intensive sexual things to do and to consider so maybe i should not have included the harder-core list.

Peace Between the Sheets sounds easier to do. But that is for you and your bf to decide.

I am not being critical of bf, I was there too at one time on the oral, HJ's,....hum, I guess it was BB that said it took too long but I was uncomfortable mostly because of my up-bringing. I did it though and BB was my first sexual gf but I was in my early 20's. You know all of that strict moral/church doctrine. Had to overcome that. I think there is some truth in the drinking and development stages AA talks about.

I heard something similar when I attended a lecture about inmates being released. They act about the same way as they did when locked up even if their release date made them 20 years older IRL.

"do they have to show that on the screen" I would have thought that if my mother was around, if I had a new gf and wanted to impress her I was not a jerk just looking to get into her pants, but I was in my early 20's when it happened. You know all of that strict moral/church doctrine. Had to overcome that.

So how do you get through the fog and help your bf go from where he is, to where you are comfortable with the R? That is the $64 dollar question. I know the answer in not a new set of PJ's.

For all of those that think the forum post are unethical, don't read the forum. Just threw that in for good measure.

I hope you get some ideas from the new book to try with your bf, Lil.

Lou