Quote: As he got this way, I retreated and got that helpless "here we go again" feeling.
That right there...that is what feeds the beast. He pounces on that very feeling in you because he knows he's gotcha, then. The scales of power have tipped in his favor and he's going to make sure that they are down on his side for a while...or until he feels like tipping em back.
What can you do instead? How about not engaging with this behavior? Can you breezily say "Look, I'm not trying to pick a fight. I have a simple request and that is that you tone down the over correction. I'm going to go make some lemonade. Would you like some?" Keep it light and let him know in no uncertain terms that he aint dragging you down into the pit, no matter how hard he tries. Leave the house if you have to. It appears that he calms himself down in a matter of time anyway and figures out that he's being an ass. (side note: I used to have a healthy dose of Cornered Animal in me so I feel like I can relate to him and I'm telling you what would have worked with me, not sure how it will go over with him)
The fog machine. Hmmm, I don't know if that's a 7 thing or a man thing. MrHP gets like that when the subject is something that involves him and anything that might be lacking. I'm not sure what to tell you about that one, because I can re-route MrHP pretty quickly and with minimum anger. My overall impression of your sitch is that there's too much talking and introspection for his tastes, which causes him to shut most of it out. I have had to curb about 80% of what I *want* to say and only hit the highlights. How would you characterize your interactions on a daily basis? Lots of deep talking or mostly light chatter?
Glad to hear that today is better. It's funny how even a knock down drag out is a form of intimacy that we cling to--even if it wasn't pleasant--isn't it?
