Re Lil Right back where I started It might feel that way but you and bf have grown or at least changed, maybe not in the direction you envisioned.
Lou, how did you like the book? I saw things I was doing and the book gave that thought or activity a label. Fixer, depressor, story-lines. Something like the Id, ego and super ego. It presents a non-emotional, non judgemental model to sort of explain peoples behaviors. It makes it less personal, less of a good or bad behavior, just how people think and maybe work.
Reading the book helped me to disconnect from some of the actual emotional feelings I have and helped me see what I was experiencing was somewhat a common pattern many other people go through.
Reading the book takes some of the "it's me, It's him, out of my mind and gets me back to seeing good people can have differences and not be compatible. Just because person "A" wants something, and person "B" does not want the same thing with the same frequency or intensity, does not make either person a bad person.
I don't know if all my thoughts at this time are related to reading the book, but there are some things I am about to give up on ever expecting BB to offer or be happy with. Some things I am just going to take (go ahead an do knowing she would rather not be involved in) or do occasional, or like go places w/o her, or see some friends I like and let her make her make her comments without trying to sooth her in way.
is it him or is it me? Is he crazy. Is he mentally disturbed. Does he just do a pretty good job of masquerading as a functional person, or is he nuts. OR: am I nuts? I don't see either one of you as nuts. Different things are important to each of you, YES.
Cobra said your bf was too enmeshed with his mother and I sort of see that.
BB said I was too much of a mamas boy when we got married. I was supporting my mother off and on for 6 years and knew my mother could not make it on her own, me being married or not was not going to change my mothers ability to pay for things she needed.
I cut back my financial support and my mother almost lost her trailer because of back taxes. Kind of the opposite of your bf and his mother's situation, but still an enmeshment situation for some people. Yes I consider myself too kind at times, I guess kind comes in several varieties, dependent and giving.
Back to Nut's?? Not nuts but certainly different perspectives and situations you two have.
I was thinking the lack of physical attention from your bf was due in large part to his ED. I was also thinking he did not approve of his mother's fooling around, and now he has 2 daughters he has to project am image of goodness so they don't become sexual with their bf's if they have them. I can kind of see a parent wanting that "doing the right thing" to help keep the kids from straying.
WTG on the hard drive Lil. If that would have been BB's computer, I would have done the job myself. I would have expected your bf to do it for you unless you asked him not to help. Maybe I am different than your bf, but I see where he does some things for you I don't do for BB, like shopping for cook books.
I cook like my mother, what was in the frig/creative, and I have my 3X5 cards for my favorites simple dishes.
I am feeling better today but still tired and am going to take it easy. Maybe a service call and hang another new 6 panel, bedroom door.
