Lil....Big huggs to you. What an exhausting experience for you...it does sound like to eeked out a glimmmer of hope from it all. And sometimes that's all it takes. It does sound like that is the pattern for you in this relationship...Lil puts forth huge amounts of effort, and gets some tidbits in return. There is a tremendous amount of emotional energy spent to help your bf "see." Only you can determine whether it's all worth it for you. I do know ( and something I posted to you recently) that at some point you do have to " receive." That's part of a relationship. It's necessary. Even if it is just a small morsel. And I do see some movement in your bf...he gave up the alcohol ( huge)...he went to that conference with you...he is in therapy. He has MAJOR issues, but who doesn't? Certainly he is aware on some level that it's June, his daughters are graduating, and Lil is thinking of leaving. Abandonment stuff. He's facing all this sober and his defenses and craziness are coming out. My personal opinion is that each one of us has some element of craziness...it's all a matter of degree...we're all a blend of personality features which can be exaggerated into mental illness under the right ( or should I say wrong) circumstances. It takes a lot to stay on the program of life. I do have some empathy for him...but I don't have to be in a relationship with him ( I have my own nut job, thank you very much).

I am sorry he is making this so hard for you. Only you can determine when you have had enough, and I know you know that. I don't see anything clear cut in the picture you just described as far a decision you "should" be making. A healthier partner will move you to your intimacy goals quicker. If you stay with this, you have to set your expectations way low...but that does not mean you can't move forward to a better place, as you say. It just won't look like what you have in your mind ( or even what you are capable of with someone else).

Lil, I have two children who are complete opposites. One is a gifted student in all areas...honors, art ,music, athletic, etc. Everything comes easy to her. The other one struggles through it all with learning disabilities and all. Sometimes my greatest rewards come from him. Two different paths, two different challenges.

Thanks for sharing your struggle here. Wish I had the answers as I always learn so much from you. Please keep us updated...and do something just for you today. Glad your computer is working again! PS...Lou, hope you are feeling better.