Is this how it begins?

[wed2alien]

Hello everyone,

I have been posting over in mid life crisis and it was suggested I post here too. I read how to link threads but I am really computer illiterate. I don't know what browser window, URL, address line is. My thread over there is:

Is this how it ends?

Short synopsis:
Both 47
Married 20 yrs
3 kids 16,15,12

2 yrs and 2 months ago got the bomb, ILYBNILWY,
had OW for a couple months (neighbor, friend)

Moved in and out 2-3 times but still had OW, lying.
OW got divorced last summer, moved on with 2 different BF since, her breaking it off FOR GOOD 2 months ago

Last 2 months I think he had OW withdrawl, seemed to be going backward acting like he did 2 yrs ago. Tried OW#2, lasted just a few weeks until I found out 1.5 weeks ago, confronted, told his family etc. Had talked D since May 1st, I went dark, refused contact, calls etc.


So, Monday night, he insists on talking to me, all R talk, was remorseful for the 1st time in 2 yrs, said he "wants to try again", had never heard that before. Tears, talked about OW#1 was a fantasy, can't trust anyone but me, is ashamed the kids saw his behavior with OW#1.

I was shocked, was waiting to be served D papers the whole week before. He said he had papers, all he had to do was sign, but he just couldn't do it when he read the words. (our names, wedding date, etc).

At first I said I would have to think about it, suspicious of his motives (his family confronted him that day, said he was ruining his life, or did the L tell him a D would leave him broke or is he trying to fool me, throw me some bait so he can have his cake and eat it too.)

Then I said it would have to be slow, he ended it with OW#2 the next day. He never emotionally attatched to her like he did #1.

So here I am again, at a crossroads, scared to do the wrong thing. I need advice from all you experienced here. I know to go slow, not pressure him to move back. I definitely don't want him home for a good while. He has apt lease til the fall.

We both still ave individual counselors. He mentioned marital counseling but I am worried it is too soon for that. He could change his mind tomorrow.

I feel like we just need to practice communicating like we like each other, are interested. He did touch and kiss me ON THE LIPS that night, which is definitely new. To have fun before we get into serious marriage counseling.

Any ideas? HELP. I don't want to ruin this chance. I think last time I must have set TOO many boundaries, didn't trust him, questioned him about OW. He felt trapped and ran to OW.

wed2alien