I had my first individual session with new C (W goes on Thursday). I read the books, filled out the questionaire. I had a hard time with the "what do you thinks she thinks that you think" because it required getting into her head, and I really don't do much of that anymore, and I told C that. She responded that was good, because staying out of her head is definately a good thing.
Good things C said.... She saw a lot of caring between us, a lot of friendship. She couldn't tell, until she talked with me, who wanted a divorce and who was trying to save the marriage... To me that's a big thing, cuz W didn't ooze contempt and flight. C had to ask who was the "runner" in the situation... didn't think I was per se, just that neither of us seemed to be trying to get out. W's response to what she needed was "to feel that I love H again". To this, I told see I'd heard it all, that it was just part of the script. C asked if she had said any of the other standard lines, I said yup, I've heard them all.
This woman is just gets better and better. I'm so excited with this C. We talked about true couples trained therapists, about Michele (of course she knows who she is), how she really admires DR. We talked a bit about her NLP training. It's so similar to SBT, that it's as if they are different brands of the same product... like Kleenex and Scotties.
And, things are working already... Among the secrets W still clings to is OM contact, even if "innocent". Last week, W played tennis with a "bunch" (I assumed women), and I asked who(don't usually do this). Turned out to be mixed doubles, and she told me, OM was one of men (this happens, and I know it does, she just doesn't usually mention it -- secret). I was quiet for a moment, then I quietly, calmly said "thanks for telling me that. It matters, and makes me feel you trust me." As she was leaving to go, she said, "uh, we'll be likely going out for a beer after playing, is that ok?" (She NEVER asks, just informs me.... maybe) I said "sure, why should tonight be any different than other nights... Have a great time." And, she didn't stay out very late at all... So, I read that as an attempt to work on secrets and trust. YEAY!
