In July 2000, W gave me my horoscope that she had downloaded. It warned of the beginning of some really serious problems in relationships developing, and warned that those R's might not survive, but that if they did, they would be immeasurably stronger. At the time I didn't know that W was just ending an EA that had gone sour when he would not take it to a PA with a married woman. She was looking, and started a PA a month later, then another 2 months later... I was also constantly battling with my business partner, and (wife believes) possibly enduring an emotional breakdown as a result. So much for my state of mind that got me here...
Over the weekend, I looked up the horoscope for June from the same source. It commented that after the events surrounding eclipse of last month on the 26th, and having resolved one of my biggest relationship conflicts, (ironically, I bought my problematic business partner out on 5/21, so that "R" ended then) I was ready to deal with the issues in my most important relationship. It said the "eclipse on June 24" should mark the end of a tumultous period that began with the eclipses in July 2000, and the issues in my most important R should reach their final resolutions beginning about that time. I read that if the R had not collapse yet, it seemed likely it would endure, stronger than ever... I find horoscopes eerily intriguing in retrospect. I don't map my life out by them, but I find them really eerie. I found a horoscope of W's last Oct that said that ...the influences that have caused so much strife in you life and relationships starting in early 2000 will end around Oct 4 2001, opening the way for more peace and harmony in your life... Early 2000 was when she met the SSW and most long-term OM. Oct 5 was when she agreed to try to work on marriage. Since then, she has little contact with "old friends" (SSW). They have sort of left her by the way-side. This too, I find eerie...
I've been drifting around emotionally for a month or so. I've been spending a lot of time on the boards, especially in newcomers, offering advice and reading stories (both good and bad). I do this sometimes when I feel I'm loosing my resolve, when I feel my PMA suffering. The stories help me get back on track, the advice shows me that I do still get it if I apply it. Now, I'm back. I've bolstered my resolve. W has been being a pal, we joke, play, are being a family. Physical intimacy has not returned, but gentle touches have. This is a long way from where we were. I've mentioned emotional intimacy a lot, trust in particular, and I'm doing my best to rebuild her trust. I've asked that she tell me if I do anything that impedes that. She says little, but her "presence" speaks volumes.
