I think I am catching up with you. After confronting WAW about everything I know she has gotten very "closed" as well. I plan to back off big time now and let her take it all in. I noticed that "OM hangover" as well in the past. The sequence went something like this:
Asking me (telling me) if she could go out Getting upset if I wasn't excited about it Going and being very excited about it Coming home and being very close to me Followed by "but I am not comfortable with sex now" I would ask her questions I knew answers to She would be upset The guilt brought her to me in less than 3 hours and we would have several really good days.
Pure craziness isn't it.
How do you give them a safe haven? Don't know either. Have they earned a safe haven? I think that is the question. I am done approaching this as a husband (i.e. caring too much, expecting courtesy.) I am approaching this as the OM. Try to fill her time with great joint outings. Concerts, trips, dinners (maybe with other couples), parties, etc. A friend told me "She wants to go out? Take her out". Even when you are home: watch movies together, play a board game (maybe with other couples), etc. Sulking and depression aren't helping them or us. And if they insist on being depressed get the hell away from them. You go out and party up and tell her you had a good time but it could have been even better if you were there. I plan on keeping a full summer schedule with or without her. I used to be a tremendous flirt and that is harmless enough and great for PMA.
You have given me some great advice (I got it too late to use some of it), I hope this might help you.
