Intimacy to me means being my true self in front of my S and vice versa. As it is now, I feel like both of us hide our true selves because we do not accept each other for being so....different, I guess.
Just wanted to add that I agreed with your response about the EC not really leading you to ML. I am the same way. I think this is probably related to the above response. EC with my H doesn't feel like True EC in the sense that we cannot be totally open to each other without repercussions. Thus, can't reach that comfort level you mentioned, seems less than authentic. A few people mentioned scheduled sex as being similar to date nights. I don't think that is applicable. My H and I have no problem whatsoever being cuddly, talking, holding hands, going out to eat and the movies, etc, but the sexuality piece does NOT flow out of that. It is totally a separate entity, unfortunately. Another reason why I always hated those women's mags that would tell you to "plan a romantic" night. Just not that simple.
Hmmmm... With little forethought and rather off the cuff:
For me, it is the sharing of the most personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences (emotional intimacy) between two people. Sexual initmacy is the expression of that in a physical form. Sexual initmacy is more than sex for sex's sake, but rather is experienced when emotional intimacy is reached between two people.
So, I guess we can have intimate conversations (such as between us on this BB) and have intimate sex, but one does not necessarily follow the other; however, emotional initimacy is necessary for truly intimate sex.
I think that is a really tricky question. What really constitutes intimacy? Let's say you were single and went to a bar and had a few drinks and a stranger sat down next to you. Would it be easier for you to imagine yourself, in the course of the evening, telling him the story of your f*cked up FOO and listening to his, having hot sex with him, lending him $100 or helping him out if he vomited up his tequila? If you went out with your own spouse which would be easier for you? IMO achieving intimacy can be pretty easy, maintaining it can be pretty tough. It's pretty easy to get to know somebody. It's more difficult to keep on appreciating them for who they are.
So, that's my answer, I guess. Intimacy is dime a dozen stuff. What I want is appreciation.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Can't remember the book I saw this in, possible one by OSHO, but it said intimacy really means 'into me see'. I guess they were trying to say that if you were to be intimate with someone or knew some one intimatly you would know that person as well as you know yourself.
