This is getting to be a habit, my monthly checkin. I promise to try to do so more often.
I've been drifting again. I don't know how I feel. I'm starting to get mad where in the past I've just been scared, I think. I don't get mad at her, but mostly at me, and somewhat at the pace of all this. There, I said that. Now it's gone.
Things have been pretty good, actually. Lot's of fun, laughs, chuckles. We are really working (or maybe not "working" as in "work") on being friends. We get along pretty well, and we share thought, hopes, dreams. We are being friends. I've still bothered by her distance, and by lack of physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy is improving (more of the friendship thing). I'm bothered by her still having lawyer on retainer. I'm bothered by her continued social contact with OM. As far as he goes, I think the contact is more or less like picking at a scab -- as long as he is around in any form, the wound can't fully begin to heal. Patience is still a my biggest problem.
More on the positive note, I'm feeling optimistic about lots of stuff. We do talk a lot, and it appears that she is truly making an effort to be home more. I think she thinks I don't like her going out to play tennis so much, but I really don't mind. I just mind her being at the club when he's there. We talk about the future more. She even gladly co-signed a home equity line of credit to help out my business. That's a 3 year commitment (of course the contract can be broken, but it's a commitment, none the less). I've pretty much totally stopped snooping, and I really see how it was hurting my PMA. I still get a bit squirrelly about my suspicions, but I don't act to confirm them. It's interesting how often simple circumstances end up supporting that my suspicions were just that -- suspicions -- when I learn from third parties in passing conversation that things and meetings I feared where happening couldn't have. A big new thing that's happening is she seems to becoming weary of the whining of the SSW (for you who don't know the term, it was coined by IAC and means "the Sisterhood of Separated Women -- the WAW's main support group). She's seeing how shallow they are, and she's getting impatient with their lack of consideration regarding her responsibilities as a mother and wife. And I think she's really noticing how pathetic their little "single woman" dramas are. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I actually got her to watch Dr. Phil's show about "communication" with me. She liked it, and she likes Dr. Phil!!!
Well, as I said, just checking in. I'll try to post more often and be more on topic. It's just nice to come here from time to time.
