You sure do sound a lot like my H. He has often said that he doesn't feel/experience the connection between love and sex. Feelings of love towards me don't cause or combine with feelings of sexual desire and vice versa. However, I think that if you were to concentrate on the feelings generated by the question Cobra asked "Would it bother you if your wife had sex with another man?" you might begin to see that there is some overlap in your feelings of love and sexual desire, even if right now they only exist as a small negative feeling of jealousy. Otherwise, why wouldn't you simply suggest to your wife that you carry on as a happily, platonic couple and you'll look the other way when she discreetly takes on a lover or lovers. I'm not actually suggesting this as a practical solution but just sort of a mental exercise that will allow you to see the ways in which you really might want to maintain an exclusive, loving sexual relationship with your wife.
Heck, I'll even take it as step further. You said your wife has moved out. Imagine that she stops at the grocery store this evening. A genial reasonably attractive man with a high sex drive in his late 50s asks her advice about his produce purchase. They discover a mutual interest and start chatting. Your W has been dreading another night alone in her apartment, so she responds positively when he asks if she'd like to have a coffee. One thing leads to another and there he is in her apartment looking at your wife's naked breasts. What cup size is she? What color are her nipples? Can you even remember after five years? Well, new guy doesn't need to rely on memory because he's looking right at them and now he's touching them and moving right on to the action. How does your wife like it? Rough? Gentle? Top? Bottom? Whatever way she likes it, that's just how he's doing it. How does this make you feel? Jealous? Aroused? If so, why is it that you are able to feel aroused as the voyeur at the peephole rather than the man at the center of your wife's sexual fantasy? Don't you think that you deserve to be the man?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
